When I was in high school, I had a lot of male friends, I think that protected me from being attached to anyone of them particularly because I would relate same way to all of them, up until getting into my final year when it became visibly obvious that myself and this young man got a lot closer. It started as normal play really but if you went to a boarding school, you will know that people there have an uncanny ability to just blow things up, no matter how small it was.
So before I knew it, it was ‘Rubie and David‘ being sang everywhere. We knew we were closer than usual but frankly, me and him knew it was just friendship cause we’d sit and talk for long hours and just laugh together and despite the fact that we went to prom together, we never really dated or even so much as admitted that ‘we loved ourselves’, but without being bias, truthfully in school most people saw us as ‘a thing’.
We never defined whatever it was and then we graduated and carried on with life and this ‘thing’ dissipated like fresh air although we remain good friends till today.
Recently, I was on a group chat where conversations were going on about how some guys may be shy to come out and tell you they are interested in pursuing a relationship with you, even for us as Christians, and people were basically putting in their two cents on whether or not it is a legit issue and what a christian woman should do in such a situation. It might give more perspective to say that it is a group chat of very profound young christian men and women, so it was not really a random environment or conversation.
Contrary to what people think, I can be a very oblivious person, it has caused me blessings and mishap in my life because sometimes, things I should notice and pick up on, I don’t and I end up missing things, and then other times, not being able to notice and pick these things up have saved me stress and time. (however, I see it more as weakness which I still take to God in prayer). So it is highly unlikely that I would just know that someone is secretly harbouring love feelings towards me and I believe there are more ladies like myself too, so while there’s a saying in society that ‘women always know‘, some of us just hide our face in shame and thank God for the Holy Spirit within us that brings discernment because left to natural abilities, we would never know.
I think a lot of young girls and women base huge decisions on a lot of assumptions that have never come out as words or even actions. Women especially, being emotional and sensitive as we are, have a tendency to see more into things than the average man will. It is one of the gifts God has graced the woman with. Sort of like when Abigail went immediately to appease David with gifts after her husband had sent a harsh reply to David who sent his men to seek help from Him. (Check out the story here)
Her sensitivity and emotions as a woman led her to take action before David would make his way back and kill her husband and his men, and if we read that story to the end, after Abigail’s husband died, David took her as his wife, who knows, maybe it was just that pure display of sensitivity and emotion that attracted him to her.
So usually, when we over-read meaning into the actions of noble young men around us, we might interpret it for something more than what it is which leads to this whole play out of hurt and pain when the realisation finally hits you that you over-thought it. I usually advice young women against sowing seeds in a garden that has not been open to you. By that I mean, fantasising and emotionally vesting yourself into relationships that has not been defined and discussed by the man in question.
There’s so much that we will save ourselves from if we just choose to move in step with the Spirit of God. The Holy spirit is just as interested in our ‘love-life’ as He is in our ‘bible study and prayer life’. He is a Spirit that influences ALL of us and not just a part and so let’s be mindful to bring Him along even when we get to such junctions.
To be honest, I don’t even know whether or not a man can be too shy to tell you he is interested (especially when this man is being led by the spirit of God), but what I can tell you confidently, is not to move ahead of yourself and allow your sensitive and emotional side lead you into a place you have not been invited to.
If it really bothers you that much that He might like you but not have the courage to say it, I think its a wiser choice to pray that God grants Him the courage and not just take matters in your own hand.
Check out the last Moment of truth post here