Yesterday we had a chat on the Foch woman Instagram page @foch_woman. It was a couple of polls, together with some short answer questions which were given just to see what majority thought about the issue I’ll be addressing in this blog post.
It is quite a controversial topic and while i’m happy for people to have differing views, I’m bent on us finally meeting at the Word view, which is how a situation was addressed in the word of God, as it is often said that there is no issue a man will face in life that the Word has not made provision for. Sometimes we just need to search deeper.
We’re in the 21st century, a lot of things have changed with the times and its been exciting to watch. To see how it was done previously and imagine what the future will look like on the same issue.
One of the most influenced situations that has changed with the times is the relationship between a man and woman. The time they get together before even courtship or marriage. In bible times, we see men send servants to get suitable wives for their sons and we see men go and request the hands of their wives from the woman’s father, the generation before this one was predominantly similar to bible times, parents seeking suitable wives for their male children and men going out themselves to seek the hands of their chosen brides in marriage.
But it’s the 21st century, some people believe that no one wrote the rules and even though in the past, the man went after the woman, in our time, it is okay for a woman to go after a man she likes. This was the question we looked into on Instagram. Is it really okay for a woman to tell a man she likes him?
The replies and thoughts shared were absolutely valid and funny too, but we had to take it a notch higher; is it godly for a godly woman to tell a godly man she likes him?
Because the initial question asking if it is okay is quite a giveaway because any and everything is okay provided it is possible and legal.
On the other hand, 5 reasons why it is not advisable for a godly woman to approach a godly man with your eros feelings for him are;
- God gave the man His word, work, worship and wisdom before a wife
A godly man knows when he’s stepped into a season that allows him to begin his search for a wife or pick a wife, however the case might be. A godly man knows that God determines when the right time for wife comes, until then, He stays diligent in the Word and His work. A woman approaching a man alters this flow, she could be professing love for him when he’s in a season of learning the word or getting the work done, he might also like her, but in the perfect scheme of things as designed by God in creation story, God had a design and any godly man wants to stick with this design, hence why it is advisable to allow God lead a man into the season to get a wife, which will lead him to tell a woman He likes her.
2. Our feelings are too volatile to simply act on
If you’re over 15, you’d know that all that it takes to catch feelings for someone is to talk to them about things that interest you both long enough. Constant communication fosters feelings. If a woman decides to act on the feelings she’s accumulated as a result of communication with a man, she needs to be aware that she might be acting contrary to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I personally have learnt over time that once I begin to get emotionally attached to someone because of communication, it is a flag for me to withdraw and build boundaries. God’s leading/prompting must come before my feelings. A godly woman understands what it means to subject your feelings to the Spirit. When we learn the way the Holy Spirit communicates to us, we’ll be able to differentiate between the prompting of the Spirit and feelings from emotional reactions.
3. Our motive cannot be to catch a mans attention (I’m sorry, I never saw it in the bible)
A lot of people yesterday said they did not believe in a woman confessing love to man first, but it was fine for her to attempt to catch his attention by the way she acts around him so he sees she’s available and interested.
People said we can “Hint him”, I’m sorry but that sounds a lot to me like seduction (and please correct me if i’m wrong).
Ladies often use Ruth’s story as a reason to go ‘sell yourself’ for a Boaz to find you but If you read it well, Ruth’s intention at first was not to attract Boaz, she was out in the field working to get food and make money for herself and Naomi, it was even Naomi who later advised that Boaz could redeem her as was the custom in those days and so she should reveal her identity.
4. The model given for marriage is Christ and the Church
Christ being the bridegroom and the church being the bride. Look how clearer God put it when He said ‘You did not choose me, but I chose you…’
Jesus came after us, He literally left all that He was to come after us His bride. He left His throne, left His crown and left His majesty to come and die like a chicken on the cross because of His bride. He did the chasing, not the church. The church was not even able to chase him because we didn’t even realise how we needed Him.
This model shows the bridegroom coming for the bride, why then do we think, its fine to alter this model and get the bride going after the bridegroom.
5. The end goal of any godly relationship should be marriage
We don’t have the luxury of dating for dating sake, or dating to while away time, God has so much for us to do on this earth and we cannot afford to invest ourselves in things that will not produce meaningful fruits for the kingdom.
The bible described Christ as the head of the man and man as the head of woman. A section of feminism struggles to accept this and this post isn’t to defend this statement but we can infer from that, that there is a head in a home and that head is the man, this means that He leads the family. A woman initiating a relationship could be taking on the role of a man by taking the lead from the start.
This is the way God has opened me to understanding this matter. And being a young woman, sometimes, God leads young girls my way and they want to know if it is fine for them to approach a guy they like and confess their feelings for him, so I’ve had to do research and have also sought the guidance of the Holy Spirit in writing this blog post so I pray that we’re open to understanding these principles and making adjustments where adjustments need to be made. I’m in no way encouraging passivity on the part of the woman but i’m trying to get us to see that there’s an end goal to everything we start including confessing love for a person.
There is no denying that amazing long lasting relationships have been born from situations where a woman approached a man first which tells us that it is not wrong in itself, but is it the best Word way to go? I’ll leave that for us to answer. In the end, a woman approaching a man is not a sin and some people do not see it as an issue at all, so I’ve provided my 2 cents and also ask that we allow the Holy Spirit convict us where necessary.
In the end, the Holy spirit opens us more to His truth as we expose ourselves to the Word of God, so rather than seeking what seems politically correct, or what sits best with us, lets seek what the word of God says. That’s the only truth capable of liberating us.