Rib yet to find its cage and Rib sitting in its cage alike.

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The above message was broadcast and a few responses came back from women alike who didn’t completely agree with the post and had other opinions that strongly negated the point stated in the message above, however, I personally feel like the responses given showed that the recipients missed the point of the post.

I got talking with a Pastor who fortunately happens to be my friend as well and he had amazing words of wisdom which I thought was definitely worth sharing, so please be blessed and read with eyes of the Spirit and not that of your natural self.

“The woman is blessed and has been endowed to influence, support, and aid her man, yet submit to his leadership.

Through what mechanism?

Several of them. But one very crucial one is ‘speaking’, ‘use of Words’

Look back at the post “Fewer things soothe a man’s heart more than knowing the woman he loves can SPEAK to him in a time, and with WORDS, that can…”

The law of kindness on a person’s lips is attractive. See this – one of the strengths of the Virtuous woman…

Proverbs 31:26 KJV
She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the LAW OF KINDNESS.

The way a woman speaks to her husband, and the content of her speech reveals so much about her understanding of her place in that man’s life and that has a huge impact on the man’s life and destiny. I wish we could ask John Wesley more, He’s an anointed man who married quite a woman! Also, Little wonder Pastor Chris Delvan (Also an anointed Man of God) would say, when a godly woman meets her man, she just realises that submission is ‘easy’.

Even unbelievers know this. When pastor Adeboye married Pastor Folu, they both weren’t believers, we can’t say God spoke to him but I’m certain one of the qualities he saw in her was kindness on her lips. Soothing words! (At least we know she has consistently had a good report in this regard) Little wonder he could soar this high.

Oh God bless us in this manner!

A woman can know more about her role in a man’s life if she sits to learn some things about the Holy Spirit in a believer’s life. Of course she is not the Holy Spirit, but both roles resonate in a manner- in that they both help, sooth, inspire, aid etc. How does the Holy Spirit speak to us? how forceful is he? How inspiring, soothing and supportive are his words to us?

The mechanism of speaking and use of Words would remain a game changer in any marriage or relationship, and more so for both parties. In the context of this piece, man’s help-meet can maximise this; and even do this in a manner that is pure, submissive, joyful, and not controlling or forceful.

The Hebrew word for kindness as in Proverbs 31:26 is ‘chesed’ and it means (Strong’s definition): kindness ; by implication (towards God) piety ; rarely reproof (by opprobrium), or (subjectively) beauty: favour, good deed, kindly, merciful (kindness).

Maybe the use of ‘correct his course’ and ‘re-direct his soul’ (as per the screenshot above) might be quite weighty phrases to have been used (and could be misleading) but the point is clear, a woman’s words have an unimaginable impact on her man, positively or negatively as the case may be; and she can choose the law of kindness on her lips!

Of course this piece does not exclude the man from the need to bless his wife with well-spoken words; but it is in direct response to the text in question, ” – Pastor Emmanuel

The entire response were his thoughts and I couldn’t agree more. I pray God gives every woman the wisdom and words to be the complete meet to the need she’s been placed in a mans life.

Pastors Wife?

I had the best weekend, I really hope you can say same and if not, let’s forget the past and prepare for this coming week, with all its opportunities as well as blessings.

A key highlight for me was the IWP Hangout where we got to talk a lot on the struggles of the 21st century woman and looked at biblical examples on tackling each and everyone of them with the help of the Holy Spirit (I would share highlights from the event soon). While one girl was speaking at the event, she out rightly said “I cannot marry a pastor, I know the grace God has placed on me and being a Pastors’s wife (PW) is not within the jurisdiction of that grace”. It was all fun and banter till this evening, a day later, a friend I sat with who was also present at the hangout randomly asked me what is wrong with being a ‘PW’, I didn’t even understand till she said ‘Pastor’s wife’ and I literally took 10 seconds to laugh before I could put myself together to respond, not like I even had the answer.

So I asked her if it was because of the comment made yesterday and she responded in the affirmative, reminding me by the side that we need to be careful of what we say in public and even at the reaction we give to things because people who don’t know better might take your personal sentiment and judge a whole situation by that.

My answer was just that ‘it comes with its own responsibility’ but the responsibility is not something you can’t deal with once God’s Spirit has walked with you into that marriage with the Pastor. She wasn’t clear on the responsibilities so I shared what I think I had observed and also what I had heard from my own Pastor’s wife (who is my Second mummy), and the things included, being patient enough with the number of people all over your husband (Pastor) because of the office he occupies, your responsibility to the people in your church, both men and women alike, your responsibility to be prepared for visitations and emergencies at any point in time really.

These and a host of other things I think characterise the life of a PW, but I thought more and realised that any wife of a minister of God might have similar responsibilities, so I kept asking the Holy Spirit, why really young girls don’t want to end up as Pastor’s wife and I was reminded of a message I listened to by Apostle Joshua Selman where He spoke on ‘The tripartite nature of the woman’ and towards the end of that sermon, he was admonishing women to be serious and fervent about their spiritual walk with God, then he added further that ‘if on top of being a woman, you marry a Man of God (I reckon he was referring to a Pastor), you must even be double because the responsibility is much’. I’ve paraphrased the last part but this was the main message.

Every woman of God has a responsibility to her husband, her family and her community at large, I don’t think that changes much for a woman of God married to a Pastor, only that you also have a responsibility to the congregation your Husband pastors, not in the fact that you live to please them, but that you live to show them love as the wife of the shepherd that God has placed them under.

I really don’t have a personal opinion on this because truthfully, I like a private relational life, especially when I get married, I don’t know if being a PW stands in the way of this but the conclusion remains the same, that wherever God has called you to, He has released grace for you to also go and excel.

Let’s stop the sentimental jokes around Pastor’s wives, I think they’re doing awesomely well, and please don’t interpret my advocacy for them as a sure sign that i’ll be one. because here’s the irony of life, how many Pastor’s wives really knew that ‘My husband will be a Pastor one day’ when they were getting married? while some were fortunate to already see it before they walked into marriage, some met the anointing and instruction while in marriage, so, You there, Yes you, running away from Pastors, just know that God has a funny sense of humour! I’m a living witness to that!

pastors wife

Who else has envisaged their future home?

We hear so often how ‘No marriage is ever the same’ and how you need to ‘Do what works for your own marriage’, this doesn’t stop even into parenting, it’s the same song that parenting is also very different and you need to do what works for you.

Now, because of all the differences, right from upbringing to marriage to parenthood, there’s every tendency that children form mindsets and make decisions based on the manner in which they’ve been taught from birth and also their backgrounds. I recently had a conversation with a young woman and I expressed my desire never to be a stay-at-home mother, not because of any reason other than I don’t think it is my makeup, I think my giftings, personality and the call of God on my life will have me constantly out and in the midst of people however small or large the scale, imparting value and inspiring positive change, and she was uncomfortable with this and asked me what was wrong in being a stay-at-home mom and I explained further.

It was not till the end of the conversation I got to know that her mum was a stay-at-home mom and she really didn’t think it was such a big deal as society made it seem. I thought back on my own life and realised that my mum as well was one for the beginning parts of my life and then went into the corporate world as we grew older. It was hard for me to decipher whether my own mothers decision had an impact on my decision not to be a stay-at-home mom.

I also grew up in a laid-back home, where my parents weren’t too much in your business and gave you levels of trust and so, I intend to do same for my kids.

My mum would cook for the month on one day and it worked in my house and I also entertained thoughts that in my future home, no cooking everyday.

My dad was mostly away for work and I grew up mostly with my mom and while I don’t think that had any effect on me, I still feel like I want my own husband to be there for a child, almost the same way I am.

I need you to see in all of this how I’ve drafted a picture of ‘Future Rubie and her home’ from the background I’ve come from, how I’ve decided in advance how we’ll eat, places we should go, how I would live before I’ve even been joined to the bone-of-my-bone. I figured that I am not alone in this.

Consciously or unconsciously we’ve made a template of the life we want for our families based on how we’ve grown up, and to a large extent, these are good really, because it’ll allow us make up in areas we feel our parents could have done better and it’ll give us room to express our deepest convictions for our families, (like how I know that my family will have a prayer alter in the form of a room before any other social space).

We have to be careful though, that we give room for these things to be tried and tested, first, by the Spirit of God in us, and then by whoever God will be joining us with, (has He destined that we be joined). Let’s not be too quick to make our desires for our future homes constants to the point where whenever we feel it is challenged, we’re  second guessing the suitability of the person in question.

The bible does give a template, for both a husband and wife and a child and parent, however, as there is such a thing as ‘Lacuna‘ in any constitution, there also is the ‘spirit-led choice’, in whatever decisions we find ourselves having to make that we can’t see obvious answers about from the bible.

In our desires for the homes and families we want, let’s be guided by the Spirit of God and not let our backgrounds stand in the way.

Vector Silhouette Family House

Heal and shift

I have been on one of Karen’s Kingsbury’s special, ‘When joy came to say‘.

I don’t take a long time with reading novels as I do with inspirational and spiritual books, but this novel has taken quite some time, having me stop, think, reflect and relate with some of the characters of the book and frankly, it has been heart wrenching. Anyone who reads Karen on a regular knows how her writing touches always the deepest parts of you, without her even trying too hard.

A woman had a past of which she managed to completely clean before she got married, she didn’t bother so share this horrid past with new hubby because it was now what it was, the past and it didn’t matter any more. They were both leaders in church and parents to the most adorable twin baby boys and then several years into this beautiful family, flashbacks start coming to her. She can’t make much sense of the flashbacks but one thing she’s certain of is the affiliation this has to the past she closed several years ago.

So what does she do? she gets scared because the hallucinations start getting overbearing, shes now caught doing things that could jeopardise her career as a top class columnist as a result of the hallucinations.

Her husband notices these changes so he starts to probe like the caring and supportive husband he is, but she shuts him out completely, convinced that he does not deserve a woman like her because of her past and does not deserve also the shame he could face should whatever it is be brought to light.

So one day, as her husband is away at work, she packs up her bags, leaves a note saying where she’s going and she checks herself into a psychiatric home, convinced that her hallucinations had become hazardous to her and the people around her. She gave clear instructions that she wanted no call or visit from any family member, particularly her husband and just asked to be alone, attending her rehabilitation classes till she got better.

On the flip side, hubby gets home to a quiet house, cause his wife successfully managed to give their kids to social services under the disguise that she is mentally unstable and so, they took the children without much questioning. He finds her wardrobe cleaned out and the note she’s left him and his heart can’t take it so he sits there on that spot, cries out his heart and stays playing with thoughts of how his marriage went from 100 – 0 with no warning and no reasons why.

I’m still on the book so I don’t know yet the ending but this plot isn’t too far from the realities I’ve been hearing about and dealing with. On the side of ‘do I need to tell my partner everything about my past?’ and ‘what if I deal with pain silently?’. This blog post is more on the dealing with pain, than the revealing your past to your partner.

People around us always suffer when we decide to be selfish. I imagine the tragedy to come in this book because of the protagonists decision to withhold her past from the people who love her, including her husband. I imagine the plot twist of what he will be forced to do and think because his wife has left him to go a mental home with no explanation as to why and even refuses to see him.

No matter how private you are, you need to know that your behaviour and response to pain has domino effects on those closest to you however little, I think young people need to start learning more how best to deal with pain rather than just closing a chapter on it without dealing with it adequately.

Subsequently we’ll talk about the letting your partner in on every detail of your past that has a potential to resurface at any point in your life, however insignificant you think it is.

We’ve grown learning that pain goes with time, and that’s true to an extent, but not when we haven’t fully healed, if not, at the slightest pop up of something related, we’ll be overwhelmed by the flood of thoughts from what we once thought was dead and gone.

STOP HIDING YOUR PAIN, STOP DEALING WITH YOUR PAIN ALONE, STOP PRETENDING THAT A WOUND IS HEALED WHEN IT IS ONLY COVERED.

Heal first, then shift.

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Different Excitements?

I couldn’t have chosen a better generation to be born into to be honest, I love how I look back and see all the flaws of our Parents generation, how we’ve managed to find solutions to them and become more vocal as well on issues, and I also look into the generation of our children and frankly, i’m gripped with fear seeing how we’re unintentionally nurturing spaces to support levels of unruliness and arrogance all in the name of being vocal and speaking your mind. So in my head, it is kinda like 2 extremes and then us, here in the middle, balancing it all out! (Gather in here for a group selfie if you really feel the same way about our generation!).

However, that we are the middle-men balancing it all out has not left us without the flaws and downsides to this generation, so we’ll do ourselves some good to address these flaws when they pop up and adjust them in order to stop it from being worse with future generations.

This post is inspired by a conversation I had recently with a friend, he was convinced I did not want to talk to him anymore and that I had changed towards him because we hadn’t spoken in a while, but I was not trying to be defensive to start saying how ‘life is busy’, or how ‘everyone is just occupied with work’ or anything else of that sort, so I just apologised and carried on normally, but I realised how this is slowly becoming a trend with most people, getting mad or uncomfortable that you don’t talk with someone the way you use to talk to them before and just making conclusions that friendship wouldn’t work cause of that.

We might all be able to testify of an excitement that comes when we start talking to someone who gets us, like just conversing with someone who you seem to have a lot of similar interests with, this is normal and it is natural. As time goes on, it is also normal and natural that the excitement changes, not that it dwindles, it is just not the temporary excitement of the new possibility of the friendship at the beginning but excitement of just having the person as a friend, and if you ask married people, I think they explain it best. How the dating phase is not the same as marriage, not that it is worse or better, but the excitement that comes in the suspense and the potential that they just see at the dating phase isn’t the same in marriage cause there isn’t that suspense anymore, it becomes excitement in another way.

Our generation wants to keep the initial excitement at inception of something till the end of the thing, they don’t want to imagine that anything could or should change that excitement and so when the initial excitement is overshadowed by the new source of excitement, rather than embracing it, we pick it up as a red flag and look at it as a problem rather than a blessing that it could be. It happens with ideas too, people are so excited when new ideas come but as execution gets into full swing, because the first excitement isn’t there, they begin to question the ideas and motivations.

I told my friend that the same principle is also seen in our natural world. The oceans don’t always flow the same way, the flow sometimes is dependent on external factors, but never the content of the water. No flow is better than the other because the content remains the same really, just newness of flow every now and then.

When there are changes in our relationships, both Eros and friendships, I think we need to be more understanding and sensitive to the changes and not just interpret it as something bad, not in any way neglecting the fact that there really might be other issues surrounding someones withdrawal, but so long as there hasn’t been any change in the content of your thoughts towards someone, don’t use the flow of the relationship to judge it in it’s entirety. Recognise the phases and trust the flow.

excited

Moments of Truth – Arranged Marriages?

arranged

An interesting part of being a blogger is that you don’t know all the people who read your blog and so it makes meeting new people interesting, like when they start conversations with a title to a blog post or simply a line from your blog post. It’s really heart warming until it is one of those write ups you made hoping no one would ever speak about in real life. For me, it’s even more interesting cause my mum also follows and engages with posts and some days, she brings them up when we have conversations which sometimes can be very hilarious.

This is one of such blog posts, that hopefully remain in the eyes of readers and never as a topic of conversation should we ever meet! (Nah, i’m kidding).

I can be a very oblivious person although people find this hard to believe, my meticulous-ness doesn’t have part 2, it only extends to a certain level and stops there, I think it is also dependent on the topic at hand because I realise the attention I pay to some books I read is not equal to come conversations I have, and it makes sense right? that some things will spark your interest and others wouldn’t.

A friend of my Dad started to visit our home very often, himself and my dad had gone through university together and they were quite close to it made sense how when my dad was ill, he would visit that often, that’s how far my mind thought of it. He was one of Daddy’s besties!

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, each time he came around I would be the first person to see him when he came through the door and he’ll follow with some kinds of questions that should really only be asked by people you’ve built a certain level of relationship with, but he was daddy’s Bestie so I assumed he paid my life the same attention as he did my dads.

One day he came and asked to have a picture with me and of course I obliged, I was returning to school the next two weeks and it was normal for my family to keep pictures of every and anybody we knew so I assumed it was same with him.

Another day he was asking me who ‘Mr Rubie’ was and one time, it was my dad speaking to me about marrying between families who already know themselves.

Speaking very generally about this, like I was 4 or something lol! When this started, all the pieces of the puzzle fit together and I marvelled at how blind and silly I had been.

We like to think that arranged marriages are a thing of the past and long gone and dead but I think young ladies and gentlemen around the world are still faced with it only on an upgraded and less obvious manner, our Parents love us and want the best for us, that much is obvious, but sometimes, in a bid to make sure we’re making the best decisions they end up out-rightly making the decisions for us which in the long run might be detrimental to us.

While we honour and respect them, lets remember they’re also humans with feelings and as such, God’s will must reign supreme in any decisions we get to make.

#NoToModernArrangedMarriages hehe!

Check out the last #MomentsOfTruth blogpost.

The Best Love Story

There is an unpopular thought that the bible can be summarised to be A story of A Father who seeks a Bride for His Son.

It’s mostly unpopular because some people consider it blasphemous and others just can’t handle reducing the potency of that book to this cheesy summary.

But in my years of reading and feasting on this Bible, daily, my eyes are open to see the truth in the summary described above. My Spirit is also completely at peace writing this and I even felt a gentle nudge to blog about it and maybe open your eyes to those yet to see it this way, or those who’ve completely misunderstood it.

We know already that a summary is a concise, filtered excerpt of a larger text that attempts to present the main points in the text. In Academia, most times, depending on the length of the text, you’ll be told how long the summary will need to be and in all my years of writing summaries in academia, I’ve never had a summary of less than 40 words despite the fact that the text given to be summarised was never greater that two A4 pages.

So it is a wonder that were able to summarise the bible, with all its books, chapters and verses to just 12 words. Haha! I need not remind you of how significant 12 is in the bible. This might or might not be correlated but it got me excited!

God came, created a perfect world, placed His perfect creatures in His presence with divine laws and instructions. The devil deceived His highest creature into believing that they were deceived of God and they believed and fell and sin came into the world.

It went downhill from there. Sin made God’s highest creature a slave. They became self sufficient and forgot their creator.

The best Lover was pained, it was an interruption to His plan, not a termination of it, so in His omniscience, He decided to send help, send an atonement, send New Life. So of everyone to send, He decided ‘My Son’.

So He sent Jesus, who came and died to save you and I.

The Love story Began.

Sending Jesus was really a risk. There was no certainty that we would accept it, neither was there a hint of assurance that we will give our lives to HIM. But as love always does, hopes and believes the best, He still came and died. Without any collateral. Anything to hold on to.

Daily, God is seeking out brides who’ll come to His son.

No, He’s not a polygamist. He is a family man, A husband (Jesus) and His Wife (The Church). It’s not much of a shock why the bible relates the institution of marriage to the relationship between Jesus and the Church, It also admonishes A man to Love His wife as Christ Loves the church and the wife to submit to her husband as The church submits to Christ.

It’s the best Love Triangle!

When next you’re reading the bible, ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to this pattern. To see how daily The Father(God) seeks A Bride (You) for His Son (Jesus).

Oh, what a delight it is to be THE BRIDE OF CHRIST!

Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear. – Revelation 19 : 7-8

the best lovestory!

Godly relationships pt 2

deep

This is a follow up post from the previous Moment of truth post and it came as an inspiration that led me to think deeply about something after reading a comment from a friend, Kristy, on the previous blog post.

Kristy said that “Not every deep relationship needs to be romantic”, and I think reading it at first glance echos truth for a lot of us because we might think of it on the surface level, so now please, re-read and understand more and not just on the surface level.

If you’ve done that, you’ve probably still come to the same conclusion, that Kristy is right, spot-on even, but here’s the twist; For we as Christians, most, if not all our relationships are deep, so it amplifies more the accuracy of Kristy’s statement.

God never mirrored shallow, depth-less relationships and even when he just met a new person, there was really no shallowness, take the Samaritan woman at the well for example, He met her and immediately reached depths with her as a result of His personal interaction with the Holy Spirit which gave Him insight to even her past.

Here’s why we cant even have shallow relationships; we have to be able to connect with people on a personal level. Jesus spoke to people about their past, He healed people of their diseases and illness of the moment, He saved a woman from being stoned to death in the moment and He also provided wine in a wedding where wine had run out.

Do you notice how unique and personal each of these are? Even if you wanted to look at the times when people in their masses received salvation, it was only because they had heard Jesus say something that was personal to them and as such, they believed!

This is why we cant entertain shallowness. It keeps us from reaching the depth of a person and that is what Jesus is after.

Hence, Kristy’s statement that ‘not every deep relationship needs to be romantic’, is true, but we must now approach the question of what happens if all our relationships are deep? Does it mean that my romantic relationship would emerge from one of my deep friendships?

Well, I honestly don’t know, but here is what I know, as Christians, we operate beyond the physical, the emotional and even the psychological, we’re moved and led by the Spirit of God in us bearing witness with our own Spirit, so even when we have all the deep relationships in the world, when the time for romance or an eros relationship comes, the Holy Spirit is also there to guide us in. He never leaves us thinking and turning on ‘who to pick’ or ‘where to go’.

He comes with a precision that transcends human calculation and logic, so Dear Christian, don’t be scared of  building relationships beyond the surface. It does not stop you from identifying the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh, contrary to popular opinion.

However, here’s the caveat, for some people, this can be a defence mechanism against sexual immorality and sin and as such, if it is, please carry on in your shallow relationships until you’re strong enough to handle deep without pushing for eros unless led by God.

Anything that will tamper with your personal relationship and growth with God, please ignore.

Moments of Truth; Godly relationships?

I had a very close friend whom I really loved and daily learnt a lot from.

We had met randomly and I remember the first day we started talking, he was joking about asking me to marry him and obviously it was banter, or so I thought.

He is rooted deeply in God and I really admired that so much about him, along with his tweets, posts and really uplifting messages.

Our friendship was full, especially because God was in the centre of it.

I wasn’t having any ulterior thoughts or motives regarding our friendship, I wasn’t thinking “oh, I’ll be close to him, maybe later we’ll get married”, I honestly didn’t even think our friendship would grow to one of romance so when he came asking me out, I was really shocked and really not sure what to say or how to say it.

He was convinced I had reasons for not saying yes, but the only reason I knew was that I hadn’t felt God lead me in that line but he couldn’t understand it and so whenever he brought up the topic and I didn’t respond with enthusiasm and the answer he desired, he would get worked up and throw some tantrums.

Our friendship became a bit emotionally difficult, I was careful of what I said and how I said it. I was careful not to call too often any more because I was concerned that the constant communication fostered more feelings and I was even more aware that I couldn’t be as free or open anymore because He had more feelings for me than friendship.

As such, we didn’t talk often any more, when we did, we would get into arguments over the silliest things. He unfollowed me on social media and when I asked, he did give a cogent reason, especially seeing the person he is.

It went downhill from there, when ever we got to speak, I was trying to keep it neutral and full of banter but he wasn’t having it, always wanting to get to the “why our friendship was not the same anymore” talk, which always left me struggling as I didn’t want to get to the relationship talk.

Eventually, I gave up, the arguments became too frequent, I got where I decided that if he couldn’t be friends with me without a relationship, I would have to walk away, however, never for once did I stop seeing him as the extremely Blessed and wise man of God that he really is.

Why have I written this?

It’s cause this wouldn’t be the first time I’m loosing friendship to “lets start dating”.

I’ve had to cut off friendships because the people couldn’t be friends with me without wanting more, I’ve lost amazing people who’ve thought I was patronising them for talking to them.

Especially the ones in the body of Christ, and for me, frankly it is scary!

Anyone who really knows me knows that I’m strongly anti-feeling and no, it’s not because I’m a rock or robot, it’s because feelings aren’t influenced by the spirit of God, they are usually in response to stimulus, thoughts and actions of the flesh.

And several years ago, I committed to living a life of spirit over flesh so when I have feelings that don’t tally with my spirit, my first reaction is to ignore.

God will lead you to so many people who will bless you, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, our response as humans to that is one of love and care but we can’t mistake this to mean Eros love. We can’t try to elevate it also to Eros love, we must entertain this godly love and care until our spirit (influenced by the spirit of God in Us) agrees to upgrade it to an Eros level.

This is a daily struggle with most young ladies and Men in the body of Christ, and I think if we talk about it together, we might beat the devil out of leveraging on it and killing godly impactful friendships.

lovenfriends

 

How much does Age difference matter in a relationship?

relationships

Heyyy,

In preparing for 2019, It was a direct instruction to go ahead and start blogging on relationships so this year, you’ll be reading a lot more on relationship issues and topics on Foch Woman.

Everything will be bible based and founded so if you don’t believe in the bible and it’s values, I do not expect you to completely agree or accept any of the things you’ll be reading on here, however, I can assure you that The Bible is True, and even when you’ve read and are or aren’t fully convinced, I encourage you to go back and weigh it against your own study and definitely prayer!

I’ve chosen to start with this question because I think there is so much controversy around it.

So, first, to answer the question directly, Age difference does not matter in a relationship.

When we look at most eros relationships in the bible, you will immediately notice that for the majority, it is what our generation will consider ‘Cougar alert’.

Older men had young wives, but these maidens were all of marriageable/child-bearing age. I realise how controversial this statement is, and I’ll expand more on it as we go on. Asides from the fact that women by the natural order of things, reach a certain age where they are unable to conceive children, in those days, your children were also seen as your wealth, so the more you had, the wealthier you were, as your children basically helped out in whatever family business you ran and the more hands the more profit hence most men married young wives to keep them producing long enough, this isn’t excusing those who just loved a younger woman.

Popular examples are Ruth and Boaz, Jacob and Rachel, Abraham and Hagar, etc. The ultimate one that blows my mind is Christ (God) and we, the church (The Bride). Do you have any idea what the age gap between God and the church is? Lol! You don’t want to think about it trust me.

I promise not to focus too much on those ancient days as well, we’ll focus more in relation to our generation but to get us to understand it completely, it might be needful to sometimes go back to where were coming from.

It is also important to note that this is very much from a place of enlightenment as well because I use to be one of them ladies who you’d hear saying ‘it shouldn’t be more than 6 years’ age difference, but if you asked me why, I did not have any cogent reason that could hold water, it was just some idea I thought good in my head and so I stuck with it.

There are biological, cultural and physical sentiments around this topic but what supersedes all of them is the will of God and the Will of God is not dependent or influenced by either of these sentiments, but simply by the way God wills it.

Age is one of many numerous things that have been sabotaged to be a certain way in relationships, but all of it is man-made and while man-made sometimes is good, God remains supreme.

If you’ve received a go ahead in your relationship with someone and your only fear is age difference and you’re certain it is borne from cultural sentiments and not a conviction from the Holy Spirit, I need to advise you to not play yourself but walk boldly into the blessings of God.

God is not bound by number, time or space, I wonder what makes us think that His plans could be.