“I don’t want it, I didn’t do it”

I had a dream last night, in the dream I sat by the edge of a river crying profusely, I couldn’t stop, I just cried and cried.

In the dream, I had seen someone who was very sick and I laid hands on them and prayed and they became whole again, people around saw and they rushed at the man examining him and just in shock of the wonder. The people gathering together rose alarm for passerby’s and people just kept coming in their numbers to see the man who was healed.

I moved a bit from the scene but could still see and hear all that was going on, but I couldn’t control the tears. People that heard I prayed for the man kept coming back to say “omg, well done” and “wow, thank you for healing him”. I was too in awe and filled with shock to respond to them, I just sat facing the river with my face stained and my eyes puffy.

I didn’t heal the man. God did and I was only a vessel and I cried because humans who didn’t know God were attributing Gods glory to me and I didn’t want that, I needed them to know that in myself, I was completely powerless.

In meditating on the dream this morning, I was moved to tears again remembering some of the various miracle and healing services I’ve watched. One of Apostle Joshua Selman came to mind very vividly. After he finished preaching one time, he called out a certain group of people and prayed for them and he asked that if anyone had received healing, they should step forward and testify.

People came out in their numbers and shouted, screamed and rolled about the healing that they had received but as excited as they were, none of their shock and excitement met or surpassed that of Apostle Selman, he literally kept going “omg, can you see God!!!”. It was like he himself was in shock at how powerfully and mightily God had moved. Made me realise that no matter how expectant we might be of a move of God, our expectancy has the tendency to be surpassed to still leave us in deep awe and reverence.

The shock is never from a place of doubt though, seeing myself in that dream, it was even more a place of humility that the all powerful One chose to work through my hands. I remember in the dream I kept saying “wow God”. It was all I could mutter.

My tears in the dream was a deep heart cry to God to take all of His glory, because none of it belonged to me, I didn’t heal that man and I didn’t deserve all the attention and praise I kept getting.

But thinking about it further, I remembered the story of Jesus entering Jerusalem in Matthew 21, He sent His disciples to get Him a young colt that hadn’t been ridden by anyone.

The bible records that when the colt was brought, Jesus mounted it and as He was to ride into the city, people of Jerusalem spread their clothes on the floor for Jesus to ride on.

But it hit me there that Jesus was mounted on the colt, so it was the feet of the colt that actually touched the clothes laid on the ground and not the feet of Jesus. In honouring Jesus, the people didn’t realise that much greater honour was going to the colt because it was the colts feet that tread on the clothes that they had laid.

It was a reminder that anyone who carries Jesus cannot be kept from the honour and glory that people ascribe to Him, but it must never stop there, we must be intentional about pointing men back to the real King that sits on us.

It is such a privilege and blessing to host Jesus guys! you enjoy honour for simply agreeing to host Him.

I wasn’t too excited that my dream ended with me just sitting and crying to God, I would’ve rather that I got up, even in the tears and shout to all that “it wasn’t me, but Gods power in me”, but I’m comforted in that I’ve woken up and known to do better even when it happens in reality because men must know that we are only but vessels and glory must return to the One from Who the virtue flowed.

7 thoughts on ““I don’t want it, I didn’t do it”

  1. ezinnezaraa says:

    Wow. This touched me so deeply, especially because I understand what you’re saying about Apostle Joshua Selman. I was at a meeting where he prayed and people were healed and he kept praising God, singing, “Alagbara”. I learn so much from that man and have learnt something new from this post! Thank you for sharing, God bless you.🤍

    Liked by 1 person

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