My bible reading today focused on rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep. The question posed at the end to meditate on was “if someone got exactly what I wanted right now, would I sincerely rejoice with them?” 

And because I like to get as practical as possible with my bible reading, I took a long pause to think to myself “what do I really want right now?”

And for the life of me, I could not answer that. I do not have an answer to what I want right now. I still don’t have an answer as I write this. This led me down a spiral to begin to think why I didn’t have an answer.

Do I have everything I want right now? Am I fully satisfied with life here and now?

It occurred to me that for a long time, I’d stopped having wants, not because I didn’t trust God to meet them, but I trusted that He knew and gave me the best for me, ALWAYS.

This ideology has curbed expectation and desire very largely to the depths of my soul and I cannot emphasise how freeing it has been to live this way.

The popular verse in psalm 23; “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…” has come alive in my life like never before.

I rejoice at everything I look down and see in my hands (my life), I don’t sit and imagine what could’ve or should’ve been, I only acknowledge what is, and tomorrow, look down again, just to thank God for what I see in my hands. 

It’s truly made my prayers less about me, less about materials and less about the now, it’s more heart stuff, more soul stuff and more eternity stuff.

In a heartbeat, I then started to think, “is my claim of satisfaction really just mediocrity dressed in nice Sunday clothes?”

Because we must remember that sometimes, doubt, fear and faithlessness look like apathy to expect God to be God to us.

To this question, I turned it into a prayer, that God should help me know  when my claim of being satisfied is just mediocrity dressed in nice Sunday clothes.

While we should not be afraid to need, to want, to ask, to desire or to expect, because satisfaction can coexist with either of these things, but our satisfaction must be naked; genuine and founded on deep rooted gratitude for the bird at hand before the numerous ones in the bush.

In all, all I’m trying to say is simply this; May Jesus be enough for us.