This blog post has been a long time coming, I’ve been in between scared to finally put my thoughts together and worried that when I finally sat to write it, it wouldn’t come out quite as nicely as It was given to me, but i’m going to attempt to and I hope I get people who can understand and relate with it because it’s a critical and very interesting phase in this Christian journey.
I’ve felt terribly unsatisfied and feeling like there was more to do and know about God, I’ve felt like I could be somewhere doing something more impactful or saying something better. I’ve felt as if God was looking at me and going ‘This is so small’ and shaking His head in a ‘What will I do to get this girl to get the point’ manner.
And all these feelings put together made me slightly withdrawn and thinking if there’s really so much more than what i’m doing.
But what’s interesting is that I noticed that I have these feelings quite frequently in my life and at phases where I feel i’m getting closer to God.
So I began praying about it, I knew that God would never look at me and shake His head in the manner I had conceived in my head, I also knew that for the place I was in currently, He had brought me there and He had recently taught me the power of moments, so He didn’t want me forgetting about the now and thinking about the past or the future, so I needed clarity because my feelings were in conflict.
God led me to a random read one afternoon at work and the pieces all fell into place.
It was an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia and you don’t need to understand or read the story to understand this excerpt, you just need to read the words and allow the Holy Spirit do the rest.
In the book, Lucy (which can represent us) told Aslan (which can represent God), “You look bigger than before” and Aslan replied – “Every year you grow, you will find me bigger”.
God told me that the closer I get, The bigger I’ll see Him and the farther it may seem.
I think the worse Christians to meet are the ones who think that they’ve seen all of God, or that they’ve grown to understand all of Him, and what they’ll succeed in doing for you is creating parameters that God can exist in, but God cannot exist in parameters established my any man which automatically creates a flaw.
I have no doubt that I’m growing spiritually, I feel and see changes in my flesh each and everyday and though most times I loose battles, I know that I know better and would do better next time.
As we grow spiritually, we see how biggggg this our God is, we see how much more we have to learn and know and we see how much more impact we have to make in this earth and this knowledge brings us through a season of ‘Am I even doing enough?’ thoughts.
God doesn’t intend to make us feel small in a really big atmosphere or make us feel like we aren’t making any difference, as a matter of fact, it’s the enemy leveraging on such a good thing that spiritual growth is.
I never want to be able to say I’ve seen all of God or known all about Him. I want to always go into His presence expecting something He has for me.
I love messages and I love music too, I want to keep listening to messages and being in awe of the new expression I learn and listen to the lyrics of songs and gasp at the realisation of the rhema hidden in the song and evidently, what I want is, never to get to a point I tell God that I am satisfied with Him, the way I’ll have a few spoons of food and push it away saying ‘I’m ok, and can’t eat again’.
I realised that my feelings were a witness to my growth and the devil really was not and is not happy about that, so he’ll do only what he knows to do, tell me everything that he knows is not.
Now, I don’t know where you are now, particularly spiritually, But what I know is that so long as you’re intentional about this God and His word, progress and growth is for you. The more you grow, the greater He’ll seem and the farther it might seem you have to go, but that’s just awesome!, it’s the journey to looking exactly like Jesus Christ and what could be better than standing in front of a mirror and seeing God’s image!.
Don’t be discouraged by how it seems with your human eyes, as it seemed to Lucy. Because as Aslan said, ‘every year you grow, you will find me bigger’. It may be more frequently, every day? every second? every time you read God’s word? Every time you spend time in the community of other believers? or just simply every time you learn something new about this God.