A few years ago, while I lived in the same city I went to university, I served in a church which was a student fellowship, we had young couples who also chose to stay and fellowship with us despite it being largely for students.

During the planning season of one of our annual events, while we were doing a headcount for the children that might come for the event, the person I was planning with counted a child that I didn’t know and had never met. I probed and she said it was the child of a couple that I did know!

I thought that was strange, I knew this couple but I didn’t know they had a son, but she was so certain so I carried on with the planning.

The following Sunday, when I met them during tea after church, I screamed and said “omg, I had no idea you had a son, is he in church?” Hoping to finally put a face to this strange member that I just had never seen despite rarely missing church.

I won’t forget the puzzled look they gave themselves and they said no, they didn’t have a son.

I thought, Hmmn, maybe my co-planner mistook the couple.

Fortunately, we were having another planning meeting that week, so when we met again, I clarified with my co-planner that the couple said they didn’t have a son, she then said “oh yea? Maybe it’s a daughter then”, again, I was taken aback, probing how that was? I don’t know any strange child in church that I don’t know her parents. Co-planner insisted again on the number and again, I put it to rest.

The following Sunday, I saw this couple again over tea, and silly me went “oh, it is a daughter you have?” The puzzled look again.

So I apologised and just explained that someone said they had a child who was coming to the upcoming church event. To which they refuted. Made a mental note not to even mention it to my co-planner, before I find myself here again lol

Unbeknownst to me, this beautiful couple had recently suffered child loss in the 9th month of their pregnancy and I only got to know because my question was triggering for them and they had spoken to another leader in church about it.

The day this leader will approach me calmly and tell me, I felt like the worst person on earth. Like how could I constantly be a source of their pain, I should’ve just left it, I shouldn’t have had to ask further.

It’s one ordeal that hunted me for time, I always felt guilty every time I saw them. But the Holy Spirit will use this ordeal to teach me more about the love that should exist in the church. One that covers and forgives all wrongs. As one of my favourite authors will put it “Some wrongs we pass over; some we confront — all we cover”.

I was not intentionally trying to remind this couple of their mishap, if anything I was really excited to know they had a child and shocked that I hadn’t ever seen them. 

I would later approach them and sincerely apologise for my ignorant insensitivity, to which they graciously understood and accepted.

The state that our default human mind is in is that people always know what they’re doing, we convince ourselves that people intentionally set out to hurt us, and a lot of times we react from this assumption and forget that over here (in Gods kingdom), we give the benefit of doubt, and cover (forgive and forget) all wrongs.

It’s been one of many instances where I have enjoyed grace and been given the benefit of doubt, it’s why by Gods grace, I will never be the one sitting in the seat of the accuser, everyone of us errs and as Jesus teaches us through the woman caught in adultery, only the one without sin can cast a stone.

Grateful for every stone that has been targeted at me, but dropped because of Jesus. But even more so, we must challenge ourselves to drop every stone against anyone, again, because of Jesus.

This is a plea from me to you to forgive, whoever it is, whatever is it, cover it (forgive and forget).

Interestingly, because of how much it hunted me,  I didn’t forget that a couple months post this ordeal, they’ll welcome a beautiful rainbow baby, which I thought was so funny, but very characteristic of the God we serve, with His divine comedies.