I told my best friend that her fiance was messaging me

truthh

Yesterday, I was thankful again for some of the angels God gifted me as friends, This Girl called me up, asked to take me to lunch and later added seeing a movie to our hang-out and Lord knows I didn’t know I needed to relax till I lay in my bed at the end of the day reminiscing on how beautiful the day went, but even more, how relaxed I felt.

Let friendship not just be in our mouth, lets go a little further and put some action behind it shall we? But no, this post isn’t about Christiana or my day out or a need to have friends like her (Although i’m sure you’d have caught the point by now, lol).

We saw ‘What Men want‘ at the cinema and if you know me, you’re probably thinking ‘That’s not Rubie’ cause you know that it’ll be my last option if I was going to a cinema to watch a movie and the movie choice was up to me. The reason is that I find a lot of Black-American romance movies very profane, added to that, they’re also quite explicit and because I’m team ‘Guard your mind and heart’, I try to stay away from those things as much as I can because I genuinely don’t think I can handle it.

But Christiana wanted to see it and truthfully I had seen some good reviews as well so I obliged and didn’t object. This post is also not a review of the movie but of a trend that was accentuated in the movie.

It brought a flash back of a girl in my teenage church who once shared at one of the ‘Girl talk’ sessions at youth church camp, how her sisters husband had started to look at her lustfully while he was dating her sister and even went further to tell her that she was the one he wanted even if it was her sister he was marrying. (Yes, The effrontery!). Sadly, it was all verbal communication and not one she could screenshot and go show her sister who was about to get married then (Oh Lord, that you’ll give us the spirit of discernment to see through these facades, both male and female alike!).

She approached her second sister and told her what had happened over the months leading to the wedding and the other sister accused her of seducing him and went further to advise her not to tell the sister about to get married, so she didn’t. When she was sharing this story and seeking advice, her sister was married to this man and she had been running away from him the whole duration of the marriage (How she moved from kettle to pot! ugh).

In ‘What men want‘, there’s a very similar turn out of events, similar to a movie called ‘Boy, bye‘. There, a recently divorced friend, found out that her best friend’s boyfriend was actually married and so she took it to the ‘counsel’ of close friends to seek advise on what to do as she didn’t want to appear as the ‘Kill-joy’, ‘bearer of bad news’ or ‘jealous friend’. The ‘counsel’ of friends decided against telling her directly and just set up a scenario where the wife would meet them two in an inappropriate state (in the case of the movie, in bed). So these friends went ahead and plotted this decision.

On #QuestionAnsweringFriday on our Instagram page, a couple of weeks ago now, I received a similar question from a girl who asked if she should tell her best friend that her boyfriend was secretly messaging her, even while they were still in a relationship. And watching What men want and Boy bye just brought all these occurrences back and made me begin to question friendship in our generation.

How we would be scared of being named ‘jealous’ over telling the truth, or how we’d be willing to watch the people closest to us walk into fire because we don’t want to be the bearers of bad news! like what?

By God’s grace, I’m the friend that my best friends fiance wouldn’t even want to find out that he likes me, because once I so much as sense it (spiritually now), my best friend is knowing and not just knowing but walking away because if at fiance level you’ve still not been trained and taught by the Holy spirit to be committed to one, I don’t think that’s somebody spiritually fit for marriage, so yes, i’ll be snitching you straight up.

In that moment, as much as I know the hurt it will bring her, I know also the compilation of hurt I will be saving her from in the future, so we’ll mess up the now just to preserve the future, obviously as led by the Spirit of God.

My number one trait I look out for in all my friendships since I knew the real meaning has been ‘honesty’, honesty to yourself and honesty to me as your friend. It’ll shock you to know that it is not even god-fearing because I’ve been good friends with unsaved people and God has used that friend-relationship to draw them to God, If I decided to make friends with only saved people, I can’t imagine the number of people that I was led to bless, slip through just because I decided to make only saved friends. (Ps. not everyone of us can handle this, until you’re sure you won’t be influenced, please there’s nothing wrong in sticking around only saved people, let God be the one to move you).

If you want good friends around you, it starts with you being a good friend. What’s your testimony as a friend to the people around you? I think we should all think about this.

I say this with all conviction, that if you are scared or concerned about telling any friend of yours the truth that could save them trauma in the future, however complicated the situation, you need to reevaluate that relationship and pray about it also. It is not normal or okay.

Perfect love casts out all fear.

“A Star is Born” Review

Before I carry on with this blogpost, I need to ascertain that we will not judge each other by our personal opinions and tastes, because as our faces are different, so are our preferences when it comes to food, music, books, drinks, Moviessss etc.

Today’s review is for the recent Lady Gaga and Bradly Cooper classic, A star is born.

First off, I should say that my sister literally dragged me to see this movie, so it was a case of not seeing any trailers, plots or reviews before arriving at the cinema, which is so unlike me, because I would usually have an idea of the movie I am paying to see.

I’ll keep this short and straight to the point and hey, I should apologise in advance, I’m gonna be a bit of a spoiler, for those yet to see it.

The movie is a perfect depiction of the reality of most celebrities and music stars. It shows clearly the reality of people who struggle with alcoholism and addictions and it also shows very clearly how important it is for us to be there for the people closest to us, no matter how good it appears they’re doing.

But as you might have foretold, the but was definitely coming.

Half way through the movie, I was waiting for the tragedy, by the time it was an hour and thirty minutes into it, I was genuinely waiting for the movie to end, I thought the plot got missing at some point and was sort of dragged a bit.

Needless to say, contrary to the  85% of people who shed some serious tears in cinemas across the world, my tear duct was completely dry, but we can all agree on one thing, Lady Gaga is an absolute prodigy! Girl can singggg! And who also knew Mr Cooper could sing even!?

But yea, below are my top 5 lessons from this movie and I wanna hear yours when you’ve watched it or your objections to my own list.

1.Deal with the seemingly small issues that you notice before they grow to monsters you can’t tame

Our Antagonists alcoholism problem didn’t start as pronounced as we saw it towards the end of the movie. It was a habit he had allowed to grow and had nurtured for time and it was only a mater of time before it came and swallowed him. Now is the time to deal with those bad habits we think can’t hurt a fly.

2. Perfect love casts out all fear

There was that scene in the Movie where Gaga wins a whole Grammy and as she stands to appreciate her team for the honour, her high husband walks up to her and he pees himself right there, on the stage.

What is Gaga’s response? She uses her long beautiful dress to cover up his mess, and she attempts to downplay the whole thing. Mind you, this is streaming across International TV.

As far as I am concerned, that is real love, and even after all this, she didn’t leave him. Not for fear of her career or even for her own sanity and reputation. All she cared for and about, was her husband. Perfect love removes fear guys!!! Always.

3. Speak the truth to the one you love

If no one, Gaga had the power, space and influence to get Cooper out of his state. While she actually tried her best, I genuinely feel like she could have done more.

Sometimes, in an attempt to shield the ones we love, we either don’t tell them the truth or we tell them the truth in part.

True love is speaking The truth (The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth) in love, sometimes it’ll hurt, most times it might get messy, but think about it in the light that if I don’t tell them the truth now, the person will pay more gravely for it later.

Cooper was a drunk, an addict and an alcoholic. She could have changed this by telling him simply.

4. When you work with and in God, you work in Purpose

Well, this is not a direct lesson from the movie but it is derived from the movie. Gaga only got to receive a Grammy because she trusted Cooper. She allowed him bring her out of her shell and he, so lovingly nurtured it, till she was confident enough to stand on her own.

God works in really amazing ways, He connects us to the right people, in the right places and at the best times.

Our own is just to Trust and Obey.

5. Don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything! Not even see a movie

Don’t beat me please lol.

But really, I probably would have watched something else that evening had I intentionally planned by seeing trailers and watching reviews.

I told my sister she had to pay me back for the money I spent at the cinema, but generally, I guess it was alright.

For me, its a 4/10 generally (plot and all), but the acting skills and raw emotion of Gaga and Cooper is a very confident 9/10.

lady gaga

Inside Out

inside out

Disney animations have always been my favourites. Mainly because they have amazing moral lessons that are quite easy to pick out.
‘Inside out’ would be my first pick in the midst of them all, for the beautiful story line and ultimately the fact that it was very relatable in terms of being able to express different emotions at different times and in different circumstances.

‘Inside out’ suggested, or rather told us that every emotion in us has a person somewhere in our “emotion room” where they all stay and have turns to control our physical emotions depending on the situation.
In inside out, there was angry, safety, happy, disgust and sad.

The protagonist in the movie was a young adolescent girl, Riley, who was the only child of her parents and had just moved from where she had grown up and known all her life to another part of the country due to her fathers work.
As expected, she was finding it hard to completely accept the change with all the effects it’ll have on her, her schooling and also friends, so her ’emotion representatives’ were finding it hard to know how to control and react to situations.

In this little girls head, among her ’emotion people’, her happy was the leader. She called the shots and decided who controlled and when.
This made so much sense to me, not only because she was a child but because she was a happy child and mostly had happy experiences and memories.

I was sitting, happily enjoying my movie till I got to a part of the movie where we got to see the ’emotion people’ for both her mum and her dad.
In both of them, the same emotions existed only that in her mums ’emotion room’, sad was the leader and in her dads, anger was the leader …

I began to think, it may or may not have been an oversight but I wasn’t entirely sure what message it was now passing on to kids because this automatically meant that a child would mostly be happy, a mother mostly sad and a father mostly angry. Because the leading emotions in everyone’s control room implied the emotion that was the most dominant.

Someone would say I was mature enough to notice that, so I did a little experiment.
I made my two little neighbours sit and watch the movie with me again and when I got to that part, sitting as normal as ever, the 4 year old screams “her daddy is always angry.” And that just proved to me that I wasn’t thinking it too much.

The media is one very powerful influence, and beyond all the subliminal ‘evil’ messages are the very obvious ‘not-to-harmful’ ones that ironically even cause more damage.

Don’t get me wrong, Disney movies are actually amazing and all but you still have to be careful what your kid watches but ultimately, prove to them in your character and behaviour that what they’re watching isn’t always true. Mummies aren’t always sad and daddies aren’t always angry and on second thought, not all children are always happy.

I also didn’t understand how Riley’s representative for angry, irrespective of her gender was male but her representative for happy was female.

But it’s cool Disney, we still love you