How do I live above temptations?

This is a follow up blog post from the last one, where I spoke about a conversation I had with a friend. The question asked was ‘How do I live above temptations and stay spiritually grounded?’

This was my response to her, only with subheadings now and I hope it impacts you as well.

1) Talk to God about them : It is always worth talking to God about our temptations, I’m not even saying praying “oh God help me not to fall into temptation”, I mean like mentioning whatever they are and telling God to help you live above them, determination is never enough for the human flesh, our human flesh bows to our temptations no matter the level of determination we have, so it’s more of a spiritual thing, if we’re empowered in the spirit, it also helps us physically. So mention the temptations to God

2) Set times for Bible study and Prayer : Have a set time for bible study and prayer, whether first thing in the morning or after work when you get home, but the more frequent and exact it is, the more you’ll look forward to it.
We can’t downplay the importance of bible study if we want to walk in step with the Spirit of God, I don’t know how often you read the bible and pray right now, but I advice making it more frequently and at a Particular time.
If God gets used to hearing your voice in that time, He’ll always be ready for you when you appear before Him in that time.

3) Be mindful of your association : I learnt this one late even and it’s the most practical of all the steps, you have to be mindful of your association and the people around you.
As Odeshi as we think we are to peer pressure, it sips into our subconscious and we actually find ourselves compromising in areas we used to be determined before.
So have people who will actually push your spiritual walk with God and not demean it.
The right people around you bring out the good things in you.
If you’re exposed too much to someone who encourages your temptation, you’ll keep falling

4) Find Hobbies that keep you occupied : Find hobbies and things that’ll keep your mind from being idle, I don’t know what you enjoy asides your daily job, but I think it’s worth picking up a few hobbies that’ll keep you occupied.
For me it’s reading and writing. And it helps so much because asides the time I actually leave out for meditation, I hardly have “free” time.
It’s usually in free times that our temptations jump on us, so we can minimise that occurrence by giving ourselves to more beneficial things, so start exploring your hobbies and see what you can pick up.
And don’t let the hobbies be watching TV please lol

5) Remember always that Jesus has been in same shoes : Finally, it always helps when we remember that the bible says that “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin”, because the same way we are tempted is the same way He was tempted and He still overcame. So if human like us, He overcame, we also can.
When you’re at those low points, just make a mental note to God and ask Him how He would’ve treated such a situation if He was in same temptation and God will answer.
He always speaks, and I find that He’s most happy when we’re honest and open about our temptations and struggles.

It is an inexhaustible list as I said to her, but these are starting points.

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Pastors Wife?

I had the best weekend, I really hope you can say same and if not, let’s forget the past and prepare for this coming week, with all its opportunities as well as blessings.

A key highlight for me was the IWP Hangout where we got to talk a lot on the struggles of the 21st century woman and looked at biblical examples on tackling each and everyone of them with the help of the Holy Spirit (I would share highlights from the event soon). While one girl was speaking at the event, she out rightly said “I cannot marry a pastor, I know the grace God has placed on me and being a Pastors’s wife (PW) is not within the jurisdiction of that grace”. It was all fun and banter till this evening, a day later, a friend I sat with who was also present at the hangout randomly asked me what is wrong with being a ‘PW’, I didn’t even understand till she said ‘Pastor’s wife’ and I literally took 10 seconds to laugh before I could put myself together to respond, not like I even had the answer.

So I asked her if it was because of the comment made yesterday and she responded in the affirmative, reminding me by the side that we need to be careful of what we say in public and even at the reaction we give to things because people who don’t know better might take your personal sentiment and judge a whole situation by that.

My answer was just that ‘it comes with its own responsibility’ but the responsibility is not something you can’t deal with once God’s Spirit has walked with you into that marriage with the Pastor. She wasn’t clear on the responsibilities so I shared what I think I had observed and also what I had heard from my own Pastor’s wife (who is my Second mummy), and the things included, being patient enough with the number of people all over your husband (Pastor) because of the office he occupies, your responsibility to the people in your church, both men and women alike, your responsibility to be prepared for visitations and emergencies at any point in time really.

These and a host of other things I think characterise the life of a PW, but I thought more and realised that any wife of a minister of God might have similar responsibilities, so I kept asking the Holy Spirit, why really young girls don’t want to end up as Pastor’s wife and I was reminded of a message I listened to by Apostle Joshua Selman where He spoke on ‘The tripartite nature of the woman’ and towards the end of that sermon, he was admonishing women to be serious and fervent about their spiritual walk with God, then he added further that ‘if on top of being a woman, you marry a Man of God (I reckon he was referring to a Pastor), you must even be double because the responsibility is much’. I’ve paraphrased the last part but this was the main message.

Every woman of God has a responsibility to her husband, her family and her community at large, I don’t think that changes much for a woman of God married to a Pastor, only that you also have a responsibility to the congregation your Husband pastors, not in the fact that you live to please them, but that you live to show them love as the wife of the shepherd that God has placed them under.

I really don’t have a personal opinion on this because truthfully, I like a private relational life, especially when I get married, I don’t know if being a PW stands in the way of this but the conclusion remains the same, that wherever God has called you to, He has released grace for you to also go and excel.

Let’s stop the sentimental jokes around Pastor’s wives, I think they’re doing awesomely well, and please don’t interpret my advocacy for them as a sure sign that i’ll be one. because here’s the irony of life, how many Pastor’s wives really knew that ‘My husband will be a Pastor one day’ when they were getting married? while some were fortunate to already see it before they walked into marriage, some met the anointing and instruction while in marriage, so, You there, Yes you, running away from Pastors, just know that God has a funny sense of humour! I’m a living witness to that!

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What do you want in Life?

I wrote a post in the past, which can be found here, where I spoke about how a Lady I once worked with wanted to build the rest of her career in that company we both worked for and how I knew from the first day I started, how temporary that role would be, it was just for that season of my life, by it’s nature and also looking inwardly.

I remember I expressed my shock the first time I heard her say to a senior manager that ‘You have me forever’ and she was not even joking, I could see as time went on that she found fulfilment working there and the conclusion was that the purest happiness will come from doing and being where you are destined to do and be. Which is why comparison and competition will forever be the greatest killer of true fulfilment.

Today again, I am reminded of how we all want different things in this life, of how aberrational it is for us to compare our desires with that of our neighbour knowing fully well that we are not even the same people, neither are we going to the same place however similar our lives might look.

I was speaking to my aunt a while back and she’s been a stay-at-home mother/entrepreneur for as long as I can remember, she loves that life and i’m a witness to how much she’s flourished in this seemingly ‘small’ office as society might see it, so one day we were having one of those heart-to-heart and she said from when she was younger, all she really wanted was a stable and happy home, for her, it was less about her career and just all about her family. And she has exactly that! A happy and stable home.

I’ve equally spoken to women who were more career driven and want a successful career, even before a family home and I think if that works for them, there is little or no problem, I dream of a world where young people will be able to discuss their dreams, however different they will all be and laugh and support each other through them and not feel insecure of intimidated about the life someone else envisages for themselves.

Similarly, I sat with someone yesterday as well and we were talking about a family we both knew and I was like ‘they literally go everywhere together’ and my friend was like, ‘yes, that is what it should be’, and I brought her attention to the fact that it could only work this way because of the nature of a lot of factors including that the woman doesn’t exactly work independently of her husband, rather she supports him in his own business, and I just wanted her to also see how it would play out differently for another woman in another setting.

I began talking about how I don’t really see my husband and I like that, but this didn’t mean we won’t be close and know each other’s business and we got in a mini back-and-forth on ‘how it should be’, but same conclusion was derived, down to what a person wants, and no one having a right to tell anyone what they want, but the disadvantage with that is you end up dancing to the music you play for yourself so godly wisdom and discernment must be applied.

The best version of yourself is the version God had and still has in mind before He even created you. It is not the version your parents or the media have sold to you. It isn’t even the version you yourself has crafted out, so please commune, fellowship and enjoy the presence of the One who’s created you, He knows best where each of us will flourish our best.

Also quit all these discussions that’ll lead you to arguing out valid differences rather than embracing and encouraging each other in the areas we’ll flourish best. These days I’ve become so sensitive to recognising conversations that argue differences rather than supporting each other.

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How much does Age difference matter in a relationship?

relationships

Heyyy,

In preparing for 2019, It was a direct instruction to go ahead and start blogging on relationships so this year, you’ll be reading a lot more on relationship issues and topics on Foch Woman.

Everything will be bible based and founded so if you don’t believe in the bible and it’s values, I do not expect you to completely agree or accept any of the things you’ll be reading on here, however, I can assure you that The Bible is True, and even when you’ve read and are or aren’t fully convinced, I encourage you to go back and weigh it against your own study and definitely prayer!

I’ve chosen to start with this question because I think there is so much controversy around it.

So, first, to answer the question directly, Age difference does not matter in a relationship.

When we look at most eros relationships in the bible, you will immediately notice that for the majority, it is what our generation will consider ‘Cougar alert’.

Older men had young wives, but these maidens were all of marriageable/child-bearing age. I realise how controversial this statement is, and I’ll expand more on it as we go on. Asides from the fact that women by the natural order of things, reach a certain age where they are unable to conceive children, in those days, your children were also seen as your wealth, so the more you had, the wealthier you were, as your children basically helped out in whatever family business you ran and the more hands the more profit hence most men married young wives to keep them producing long enough, this isn’t excusing those who just loved a younger woman.

Popular examples are Ruth and Boaz, Jacob and Rachel, Abraham and Hagar, etc. The ultimate one that blows my mind is Christ (God) and we, the church (The Bride). Do you have any idea what the age gap between God and the church is? Lol! You don’t want to think about it trust me.

I promise not to focus too much on those ancient days as well, we’ll focus more in relation to our generation but to get us to understand it completely, it might be needful to sometimes go back to where were coming from.

It is also important to note that this is very much from a place of enlightenment as well because I use to be one of them ladies who you’d hear saying ‘it shouldn’t be more than 6 years’ age difference, but if you asked me why, I did not have any cogent reason that could hold water, it was just some idea I thought good in my head and so I stuck with it.

There are biological, cultural and physical sentiments around this topic but what supersedes all of them is the will of God and the Will of God is not dependent or influenced by either of these sentiments, but simply by the way God wills it.

Age is one of many numerous things that have been sabotaged to be a certain way in relationships, but all of it is man-made and while man-made sometimes is good, God remains supreme.

If you’ve received a go ahead in your relationship with someone and your only fear is age difference and you’re certain it is borne from cultural sentiments and not a conviction from the Holy Spirit, I need to advise you to not play yourself but walk boldly into the blessings of God.

God is not bound by number, time or space, I wonder what makes us think that His plans could be.

What does your cover look like today?

I personally think it can be a disadvantage to know something for so long.

For some reason, it begins to move to a point you’ve known it so much, you don’t value it’s potency or realise it’s true meaning. A lot of times it is unconscious really so no shade at anyone.

If I got a penny for anyone who answers ‘yes’ to the next question I ask, I bet I could be so rich because i’m certain we’ve heard it time and time again.

Have you heard anyone say ‘Don’t judge a book by it’s cover?’…

I bet you have. So yes, if wishes were horses, i’d be a rich woman in a second.

I lazily got out of bed this afternoon and realised I needed to get out to get some food stuff because I just had today to get it, seeing the shop doesn’t open on Sunday’s and I’d really be lying to myself if I said I would want to do something as tedious as cooking on a Sunday. This realisation had the best of me and I got out, got ready and called an Uber.

I was looking a tad scruffy because I genuinely didn’t plan to go out plus I had my flip flops on and had a facial expression that expressly revealed how I really felt stepping out this afternoon.

My Uber driver arrived, I got in and said hello. He barely responded as the trip went on.

I needed him to wait for me to get what I wanted at the shop so he could bring me back immediately because I really could not bare waiting another five minutes or more for another Uber to get to me.

Now, the very simple challenge I had was actually opening my mouth and saying this to the person who could actually help me out, that was a shoulder-arms length away from me.

Because i’m a human beings and I pick up vibes and read expressions even without someone speaking, I could tell that my Uber driver either was having the sort of day I was also having or he really just didn’t want to be disturbed.

So I sat at the back for 5 minutes, wrestling with myself whether or not to ask him to wait. I concluded he would probably say no and tell me i’d need to re-book another Uber. So I already mentally planned to do that.

A few feet away from my stop, I strongly felt I should just ask, I had prepared for the ‘no’ and made plans for the return trip, so I could complete the story and tell myself ‘I told you’. So I asked him.

“Please would you mind waiting for me to pick up a few things so you can take me back home?” I was looking at him from the rear view mirror anticipating my expected answer.

And he said “sure of course, it’ll save you time than if you had to call another Uber when you come out”.

I bet he noticed my hesitation because I genuinely couldn’t believe what he had just said but I found my voice and responded an overly excited “Yes, Thank you”.

I got to my destination, got out, went into the store, got what I needed, got out, he came out and got my stuff in the boot and I got back in the car, en route home again. I could not help thinking about how everything had transpired contrary to what I had thought in my head.

I forgot to add that I had even planned to rate him poorly for not being friendly because he made me feel really uncomfortable at the start of the trip by not responding to my hello or even sparing me a hi.

I got home and I made sure to give him an amazing rating because he reminded me the saying to not judge a book by its cover, added to the fact that he changed my outlook on the day and got me excited of how wrong sometimes out perception of people and things could be at first.

I bet right now, there are people we’ve written off for various reasons and they could be really valid reasons you may have done that but I want to remind you too not to judge a book by it’s cover. Go on and ask, say or do what you want to do and be possibly blown away by the reaction of the person as I was in my situation.

On the flip side, lets just try to put good covers on our books so we don’t keep people double guessing our content.

If you really were a book, what would your cover look like?

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