We hear so often how ‘No marriage is ever the same’ and how you need to ‘Do what works for your own marriage’, this doesn’t stop even into parenting, it’s the same song that parenting is also very different and you need to do what works for you.
Now, because of all the differences, right from upbringing to marriage to parenthood, there’s every tendency that children form mindsets and make decisions based on the manner in which they’ve been taught from birth and also their backgrounds. I recently had a conversation with a young woman and I expressed my desire never to be a stay-at-home mother, not because of any reason other than I don’t think it is my makeup, I think my giftings, personality and the call of God on my life will have me constantly out and in the midst of people however small or large the scale, imparting value and inspiring positive change, and she was uncomfortable with this and asked me what was wrong in being a stay-at-home mom and I explained further.
It was not till the end of the conversation I got to know that her mum was a stay-at-home mom and she really didn’t think it was such a big deal as society made it seem. I thought back on my own life and realised that my mum as well was one for the beginning parts of my life and then went into the corporate world as we grew older. It was hard for me to decipher whether my own mothers decision had an impact on my decision not to be a stay-at-home mom.
I also grew up in a laid-back home, where my parents weren’t too much in your business and gave you levels of trust and so, I intend to do same for my kids.
My mum would cook for the month on one day and it worked in my house and I also entertained thoughts that in my future home, no cooking everyday.
My dad was mostly away for work and I grew up mostly with my mom and while I don’t think that had any effect on me, I still feel like I want my own husband to be there for a child, almost the same way I am.
I need you to see in all of this how I’ve drafted a picture of ‘Future Rubie and her home’ from the background I’ve come from, how I’ve decided in advance how we’ll eat, places we should go, how I would live before I’ve even been joined to the bone-of-my-bone. I figured that I am not alone in this.
Consciously or unconsciously we’ve made a template of the life we want for our families based on how we’ve grown up, and to a large extent, these are good really, because it’ll allow us make up in areas we feel our parents could have done better and it’ll give us room to express our deepest convictions for our families, (like how I know that my family will have a prayer alter in the form of a room before any other social space).
We have to be careful though, that we give room for these things to be tried and tested, first, by the Spirit of God in us, and then by whoever God will be joining us with, (has He destined that we be joined). Let’s not be too quick to make our desires for our future homes constants to the point where whenever we feel it is challenged, we’re second guessing the suitability of the person in question.
The bible does give a template, for both a husband and wife and a child and parent, however, as there is such a thing as ‘Lacuna‘ in any constitution, there also is the ‘spirit-led choice’, in whatever decisions we find ourselves having to make that we can’t see obvious answers about from the bible.
In our desires for the homes and families we want, let’s be guided by the Spirit of God and not let our backgrounds stand in the way.