Anyone who spoke to me physically in the last 2 weeks might describe my current state of mind as lethargic, and I would not even blame them because there are some things that you might not be able to fully express or describe and as such, the listeners around would accept and interpret it as it comes.
Contrary to how it has appeared, I’ve actually never felt more motivated. It appears lethargic because I’ve felt helpless in the midst of all the motivation. I’ve been overwhelmed by all that can be and should be done and it’s taken the motivation and made it appear weak.
As you grow in God and the word, you’ll begin to recognise certain stirrings. A stirring to pray, a stirring to make confessions, a stirring to reach out to someone and say some words and just this gentle, sometimes even violent urge to do something. Overtime I’ve known that this is something you can never take likely or for granted because in the moment that stirring comes, someones breakthrough is hinged on it, so I always encourage people to cease it as it comes and do as led.
Two nights consecutively last week, that stirring to pray was there so heavily. Things of the Spirit don’t necessarily align themselves to things of the physical, by that I mean, I am currently writing exams so I would always say to myself ‘after exam i’ll pray as you want me to God’ and always i’m met by silence, because it just doesn’t work that way. The devil has not ceased his operation because we got busy. He loves busy periods actually, he knows he faces less attack and resistance.
One of those nights, I couldn’t mutter any words. I just sat crying and for the next 10 minutes, the only thing I was saying was ‘This is not it‘. I was simultaneously praying and petitioning God on what is not it and I was just having flashes of Christians distracted and carried away by all kinds of things. I was not left out, I saw my desires appear in my moment of prayer and I just laughed because truly, ‘it is not it’!
There’s suppose to be an army rising always! The songs we sing, particularly one I came across recently that speaks of calling forth dry bones to come alive, and a line said ‘There’s an army rising’. But I had to stop and ask myself, is there really an army rising? An army rising would mean an active and intentional chase and commitment to the things of God as well as against the powers of darkness, but the world now is so relaxed, praying when its convenient, sharing the word for clout, hosting events just to boast of numbers and saturating social media of a powerful God but denying His power in our daily living. This is what God was saying is not it.
Being human has truly limited us in more ways than we know, even though it is temporary, I get caught up often just thinking maybe if the weakness of humanity was removed, it could be better and I realise that, that’s even my human nature speaking. lol We see only a fraction of the whole, the bible alludes to the fact that we see and testify in part and because of this, we should remain in that place of desiring fresh anointing from above to see and testify in full.
All the things that distract us are temporary, mundane and susceptible to destruction. God is recalling us to focus our minds on things above. Things eternal, things lasting. I’m so conscious since that night of recognising what is and what is not because there’s no time to be entertaining or engaging in anything that ‘is not it’.