Our relationships with God does vary, It is evident in the various ways God chooses to express Himself through us and even more obvious by the verbal expression of the ways God speaks to us.

Over the cause of my life I’ve had reason to turn down advances of well meaning men to me. It is not a thing i’m shouting about in pride, but one that is actually inevitable for a young woman currently in ‘her prime’ because fortunately, we’ll all end up with just one person in union, and so several no’s will have to be said. On those occasions, my chosen words usually go “I’ve taken some time to pray about what you said to me and I have not received confirmation or a go ahead to what you are requesting”, that’s if it ever got to a stage of me going to pray about someone.

Often, this reply leads me into a conversation of how and why I was sure that God had not given His confirmation and how I would have known if God had given me a go ahead and often, I found myself attempting to defend my relationship with God and why God chooses to speak to me in the manner that He does.

Since I gave my life to Christ, and daily striving to grow more in Him, I’ve been privileged to also learn the way He speaks to me and while I don’t restrict myself to those ways, i’m well aware that God will not suddenly confuse me in giving me an answer just because I was praying with regards a spouse.

I think it is a trap a lot of Christians fall into. All their life, they pray and receive answers from God but suddenly it gets to praying with regards a spouse and everyone is convinced that God will speak another way, and this time, maybe more obvious, possible an arrow or crown over the head of the person that God has chosen for them. I think this mindset is inconsistent to the person of God because God tries to build our relationship with Him in a way that helps us to recognise our Lover whenever He speaks to us.

If I heard my mum or dad right now, whether or not they were in sight, I would know right away that they were in the arena. Why? because my relationship with them and constant communication has fostered such a degree of hearing that I can recognise their voice quite easily.

It is same with GOD, the more and constant the communication, the higher the ability to recognise the same Voice when He speaks. It won’t now suddenly change when it comes to certain key decisions in our lives and usually, we crave an even more obvious ‘sign’ or ‘word’ because underneath our request is a fear and doubt that we might be doing the wrong thing.

While i’m aware that God does not pick a partner for any man, I also know that God does have a perfect will for my life and that perfect will suggests a person that would best complement me and vice versa.

So when I’ve told men that God has not given me a go ahead, it simply meant that I had not heard God say yes in the way that He normally had, it also suggests that while God will not curse or disown me for joining them in union, I would be doing myself more good walking into God’s perfect will and from spiritual examination through prayer, that probably was not it.

Most people see it as taking the responsibility off of myself and placing it on a God that we cannot see, but I personally feel that it would be low to do that. I would only speak in a manner that is consistent with my relationship with God. I see a lot of young women struggle with it too. Trying to explain something and being accused of not being ‘direct’ or maybe even ‘evasive’, but that is actually expected seeing as Man is only able to see the outward and not the heart.

I personally have grown to a place where I am not bullied into defending my faith or my relationship with God because of a persons inability to see logic in the manner that God has chosen to relate with me and it has also helped me better relate with people, because even when things sound illogical, i’m left telling myself that this is between this person and God and it doesn’t really have to make all the sense to me if it makes complete sense to the person.

I think we need to learn to be protective of our personal relationship with God, when we’re not protective of it, we fall into the trap of comparison and doubt and subsequently, we begin to question the manner that God has chosen to relate with us. Usually the secret place has just two people, you and Abba, you can’t allow someone who was not there with you begin to foster doubt in your heart over what Abba said to you clearly in the secret place.