Married with distance

The closer I get to God and the more I get to know Him, the more I realise that love was never made or intended to be distanced. On the contrary, it was made to thrive in close proximity, in very deep levels of intimacy.

This is one of the reasons why I often tell people that there is definitely a grace for long-distance relationships. That you find and commit to love that is physically separated by distance is not in itself ‘normal’. I glean all my lessons in life from the bible, from career,  to family, to relationships, to marriage and even friendship and so when I learn from God and me, I wanna go replicate it in me and the other person, whether parent, partner or friend.

Just this knowledge does not allow me support or subscribe to the idea of long-distance marriage, people often say that there could be peculiar cases but I believe peculiar cases should bow to love and by that I mean, bow to the sacrifices and compromises that love sometimes demands. Temporarily it might be okay, as long as couples are working to be physically together in the long term, but a case where there is no plan for closing or ending the distance honestly does not sit right with me, and here’s what I learnt with God on this;

1. The very obvious reason is Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, despite the fact that there were several parts of the garden, God created Eve and then brought her (physically) to Adam. God could have left her where He created her and come to tell Adam “hey, you have someone on the west side of the garden to help you“, but no. God brought them together and it was for a purpose.

2. The love of Jesus teaches us sacrifice and selflessness, the bible tells us that Jesus, who is the very nature of God, did not consider His equality with God to be used to His own advantage, rather, made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness (Philippians 2:6-7). Jesus sacrificed His throne and majesty for a time to come down and unite us (marry us) back to the Father. He could have chosen not to, but love chooses sacrifice and selflessness over and over again. If we find that we are not willing to selflessly sacrifice ‘moving’ to be with our partners in marriage, are we really sure that it is love?

3. You would also observe through scripture that God has always been present with us His creation. Even when Jesus left for heaven, He didn’t live us ‘widowed’, He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell ‘within’ us. Not around, but within. There is a reason for this acute level of proximity. The Holy Spirit teaches, corrects, rebukes and reproofs us from within. Love should give our partners this same access to us, in a way that they are present enough to do all the Holy Spirit does for us, of course to an extent being human as they are.

4. While I wrote on intimacy in godly relationships, it was not an attempt to support distanced intimacy all through a persons life, even to marriage, but to teach us to honour purity until united in marriage with one who the Father wills for us. As I stated in that blogpost,  the highest level of intimacy will only be achieved in marriage and so we must be willing to patiently wait till then if we decide to do it the God way.

There is a cogent reason why people often feel unsatisfied in their relationship with God when there is no intimacy, it is because love was not made to be distanced at all. As love grows in human relationship, particularly to the point of marriage, the distance, mentally, emotionally and physically must be closed for the optimum results.

intimate

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