Today is day 3 of #FochLoveSeries and we talk about loving the wrong person.

Someone might be thinking “what makes a person wrong?”, “how does one end up loving a wrong person?”

We will break it down very shortly.

The first thing to note is that this mostly happens unconsciously. It happens consciously sometimes, but for the majority of people, it is more unconscious.

This applies under three conditions;

– A person desiring someone who is already married or in a committed relationship

– A believer romantically desiring an unbeliever

– A person falling in love as a rebound after a breakup

We will address all three unique contexts.

With the first context, this could happen mainly because of proximity or constant communication. That married man in your office who seems so kind and gentle with you, that married lady who always has something sweet to say to you. The heart doesn’t take permission to have affinity with something it feels drawn to, it is up to a person to reorient their minds to tell their heart what is best.

So if you find yourself in such a situation, here are three things to do;

1. Create distance between you and the person. With our without permission from the person. Don’t await the persons affirmation before you create that distance. In the end it is for their good and yours as well. Be jealous with how you guard your heart and sometimes it comes at a cost, such as having people call you strict, or being called the “overly serious one”. Own it but put distance in place.

2. Create boundaries sooner rather than later. We don’t have to get to those points before we think up boundaries, we can decide now that we will not exchange messages with married people past a certain time, we will not hangout with married people alone, we will call out flirtation once we sight it rather than excuse them away. Boundaries have a way of protecting us and more people must establish those personal boundaries for themselves.

3. Don’t fight for what is not your own. A married man or woman was never yours to contend for, so don’t deceive yourself to think it is okay to fight their partners for them. Remember that how you get something is most likely how you will keep it. If they cheat on their partner for you, they will cheat on you for someone else. Respect yourself enough to remove yourself from the situation. It’ll hurt but you’ll heal and be better for it.

With the second context, where we find believers desiring or fostering a relationship with an unbeliever, three things to note;

1. The bible will not rewrite itself to accommodate your lives choices. If you go against better counsel to not be unequally yoked, be ready to face the consequences that come without calling God wicked. I don’t care how kind and gentle he/she is, but if they do not have the Holy Spirit, they cannot love you the way Christ designed, if you are satisfied with this, then ride on!

2. It’s important to remember that marriage already has very unique attributes and differences that a couple must navigate. It will be so much easier if the couple in question already share similar values and convictions. Once there is differences on that end, it complicates the issues even further. The rosiness you see or feel now is no guarantee of the future, but with a believer you can trust the God in them to preserve them into the further. We do not have this guarantee with a person void of Gods spirit.

3. The access God has to a believer through the Holy Spirit is not something you should negotiate for the feelings you have now. If all they can offer you is material pleasures, you should remember that beyond today you will have spiritual desires and aspirations that the said person might never meet. Don’t subject yourself to a union of frustration.

Finally, with the third context, finding yourself falling for a person as a rebound to your heartache from a breakup.

The only solution is to heal. And healing often requires a level of solitude (notice I don’t say isolation). By solitude, I mean as a person alone rather than trying to find anyone to feel the void the person left in you.

Be careful that you are not led by your hurt to engage someone in a relationship or marriage while you’re still dealing with hurt from a previous experience.

A person on the receiving end must also be discerning enough to know when someone is seeking closure from them after a hurt and not loving them as God intended.

These three scenarios paint pictures of loving the ‘wrong’ person.

Please stay guarded, stay aware and most importantly, stay prayed up!

See you at Day 4, where we consider “Loving them into changing”.

#FochLoveSeries #Fochwoman #Fochpodcast