While we will have very different journeys characterised by unique experiences and people, I always still make reference to my journey and experiences to teach or amplify points because it is a tool in my arsenal, as everyone’s experiences also becomes tools in their own arsenal.

Paul writing to the church of the Thessalonians says “So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us.” – 1 Thessalonians‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬ ‭

The life of the believer can be cited as an example or to draw an analogy, but never to substitute the gospel.

So when people teach or advise from their own journey, it is neither to make it the ideal or force yours to look the same way, rather, offering an alternative mirror to see both good and bad that can either be replicated or avoided, because let’s be honest, we are all programmed by life: the people we are exposed to, the experiences we face and the things we give our time to.

So having said this, today I’m writing about the intentionality of a man in pursuit of a woman he claims to love because I’m quite frankly concerned at the things I see and hear when I talk and counsel young girls today on what is acceptable, and I’m going to use Nelson as my reference point, not because he is perfect but having experienced him in that season, I’m convinced that it is a good focal point for the topic. 

So for my ladies, what should the disposition of a man who claims to love you, be?

1. Full of clarity: some will say it is a lot of pressure to put on a person, whether male or female but their God-given responsibility from the word already sets them up for this pressure but also equips them for it. No reason you should be so confused with a man’s intention towards you. I often share how Nelson was already talking to me about marriage two weeks into getting acquainted and even though I considered it absurd then, he was clearly making intentions known early and this dispelled any confusion in me as our friendship began to bud. 
2. Full of purity: I know we’re living through a very permissive generation that downplays purity, but this remains a desire and doctrine for the believer. We do not get to play with our consecration in any way. An easy filter for people coming around you is how serious they take their own consecration, not to talk of yours. Remember it’s the small foxes that kill the vine.
3. Full of accountability: I have email and message receipts throughout my years of courtship with Nelson of his plans towards me and our future. I genuinely was never in doubt of where we were or what we were doing. I didn’t demand this accountability, it came of his volition.
4. Full of exclusivity: this generation believes a lot in trial and error and it’s why discernment is very low because for every time you subject your spirit man to “let’s see how it goes”, it loses a degree of it’s ability to pick up signals it originally would’ve picked. A man’s commitment to you is evidenced in a degree of exclusivity, in things he says and does. Don’t make excuses for someone who sees you as an option. That’s what you’ll always be to them, an option.
5. Full of vision: only a few days ago I came across a screenshot of an email Nelson sent me about 8 years ago, it was an email with some plans he had made for himself and our family by extension, he started a part saying “since I’m taking you on this eternity journey, I think I owe it to you to know…”. I caught a vision of our family life before it even started because he clearly painted and still paints it for me daily. Men naturally tend to be visionary, but it’s one thing for them to be visionary and another thing for them to love you enough to share the vision with you.

A man in pursuit of a woman he loves is too evident to be hidden and shrouded in any form of obscurity. I’m going to need my ladies to stand up and refuse to be puns in the hands of ungodly men.

It is always my hearts desire and prayer that we experience love on this side of eternity to the same degree we experience with Jesus; full of clarity, purity, accountability, exclusivity and vision.

The template and blueprint Jesus has shown you is not one-off, it should be the mirror through which you perceive, give and receive love on this side of eternity.