Hey ladies, this one is for you! *wink*
Is there really such a thing as having standards that are ‘too high’?, I’ve had numerous conversations with Ladies and Gentlemen in our generation and all too often I hear someone say that one of the problems with ladies in this generation is that “their standards are too high”.
Lets backtrack even, do you have standards? when it comes to friendship as well as relationship? because we tend to focus just on relationships when it comes to the talk on standards and we forget that friendships are just as important to our growth.
By standards, I mean, are there attributes or characteristics you’re looking out for in a person that might qualify them to be ‘potential’ for you? Don’t automatically think about the physical please!
I was reminded of this one time in high school, I was having a conversation with my mum and aunt and I remember I said ‘Mummy I don’t think I can marry a man who’s house is not as big as ours’.
A loud burst of laughter followed from my audience after my verbal display of, I dare say folly, and frankly speaking, thinking back myself, I can’t believe I said that.
My mum followed this with a conversation of how it was not always like that for them and how they didn’t start off in the house we currently live in, mind you, it was not like I didn’t already know this but obviously my mind was on the superficial things.
I was definitely young, naive and very foolish to have thought that way, talk more less of made the statement. But hey, there’s no denying that there are so many of us out there who still have such superficial standards, e.g. the size of the house/car, the prestige that comes with the job, the dress sense and height, and for me, at some point in my life, it was even about his mannerism with written English and oral speech, lol!
I’m not trying to be annoying right now, but truthfully, a lot of women in our generation would have chosen The Nicodemus over The Jesus in the bible if it came to choosing either to get in a relationship with, based on the standards we hold now. (You’re able to click on their names to read about Nicodemus and Jesus in the bible, but in a nutshell, Nicodemus was this rich member of the Sanhedrin, that I think was handsome, and Jesus is the Saviour of the world who lived His life per moment.
Am I saying standards are wrong or shouldn’t be high? At all!
As a matter of fact, I am an avid supporter of having standards for any and everything, Jesus is a standard for us as believers, standards help us not to settle, but here’s the carveat though, your standards cannot, and should not be based or affiliated with superficial things. We cannot judge a person based on things that won’t matter in eternity.
I know we’re human beings with personal preferences, but we would usually adopt those preferences that best appeal to our flesh and our convenience, but the bible tells us that ‘to live by the flesh is death‘, our flesh and self preferences cannot drive us into something as spiritual as marriage.
I listened to a message once and I sadly don’t remember who said it but the preacher said that “God is not committed to making a person into what you want, He’s committed to making people into who He wants them to be“, frankly, this might not tie in totally with what you want, and in His words, ‘It is what it is’.
The solution I discovered to this is to think eternity, think Kingdom, think lasting, think godly. A lot of things are completely eliminated when we see that they don’t tally with what God would also look for in a person.
Can I just say, this is no license to be with someone you are not attracted to, whether physically, mentally or spiritually. It is more to bring us to submit ourselves to Jesus to the point where He influences our attractions and steers us to think and see things the way He does and not as the world does.
A lot of you might have to re-write your ‘standards list’, God might be altering your TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome) definitions. LOL!
But here’s why there’s rest in this, Our God knows best, but that doesn’t even make me as happy as also knowing that He wants whats best for Us. Me and You.
When you re-write this list with the things that really matter, (if you even feel a need to), when next someone tells you ‘Your standards are too high’, the gif below is the best response.
2 thoughts on “High Standards?”
Lovely post!making a mental note that character is the kingdom of heaven,character matters,if a partner isnt willing to grow in that area..thankyou next!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ohhhh I definitely have a list. Lool
A part of it is about must haves (his relationship with God, culture, value system and all that) Then I have a Would-Love-To-Have-But-Can-Pass-But-Pray-Not-To-Pass list. lol!
This is things I’d like to have but don’t really matter if I don’t have them (Things like afro hair do, guitar playing and all), these don’t make one a better husband but hey, the expectations of the righteous won’t be cut short, yeahhhh? Lol. Thanks for this FochWoman! More grace!