I think most people have been in positions where they started to develop feelings that were not appropriate for the situation, circumstance or person in question.
Most times, it is circumstantial that these things happen, it could be because we’re speaking to them too often, or spending more time than usual, or just stumbling over something that appeals to you about a person.
Sort of like when David randomly looked out of his window when Bathsheba was having a bath and he wouldn’t take his eyes away from her again and just that moment led him to a whole phase of sin upon sin, from covetousness to lying to deception to plotting evil and even to murder.
So we need not be told what harbouring feelings that should not be harboured could do to us. David is a perfect example that you don’t want to be, at least for that part of his life. But by all means, lets strive to be the people after God’s heart.
Truth is, we’re young, we’re mostly happy, (or should be) and our strength and hormones are all over the place, its a youthful phase really and they’re there for a purpose and for a time, not to be controlling and ruling us however strong they prove to be. So I thought i’d make a blog post about how to deal with unwanted feelings, which could be eros love towards another person, could be jealousy for no reason, it could be hurt due to the past or even hatred towards another just by the testimony of someone.
Like a friend who was confident enough to admit she was starting to harbour feelings for someone who mentors her. They meet once a week every week for mentoring sessions and they talk through her academic and career goals and he gives her advise on ways to do better going forward.
When these kinds of things are told to me, I usually have to take like 5 minutes to just quickly ask the Holy Spirit to help me not to reply to the person in a haste cause more often than not, i’d just say what I would do if I was in same situation, and its not every time that what I will do is in alignment with what The Holy Spirit will have the person do. Cause personally, I know i’ll stop the sessions immediately but was this was God was also saying to my friend? I thought not.
So I’ve broken down my advise to her in bullet points as I heard points work better for most people, so i’d use points rather than just type blocks of text and i’d appreciate feedback if this is easier to read.
- Remember your why – I asked her what the initial intention was for cultivating the mentor-mentee relationship, after she responded, I got her to be honest with me if she was already drawn to him before this relationship even started and she said no, that it developed after it started, so in that regard, I couldn’t really blame her just advise that she focused intently on the purpose for their meeting in the first place.
- Flee! – (Yes, my own solution), but might not be applicable in all cases, but the bible admonishes us to flee every appearance of evil, and i’m not saying that her feelings towards him is evil, but it could create evil if not handled with care, as it could lead to lust, lasciviousness and even sexual sin, even if it is in her mind. So after we prayed about it, I told her that If it persists, she might need to take a break away from the sessions. Sometimes you don’t have to fight some things, just flee from them. And Ps. Constant communication fosters feelings, just in case you weren’t aware.
- Renew your mind – In the cases of jealousy and hatred without basis, even with base even, you need to renew your mind and allow the Holy spirit deal with those things in you by opening your eyes to the desires within you that is causing you to have such ill feelings towards your brother or sister in Christ. Sometimes we harbour jealousy and hatred towards people because we don’t have what they have or want what they have. The bible says that Godliness with contentment is great gain! Spend some time in the word and renew your mind.
- Talk to God about it – The funniest conversations I’ve had with the Holy spirit personally have been those in relation to feelings I was having, and I think our generation calls it crushing?. Talk to God about the feelings, not the person! Because by praying about the person, you’re even easing your mind into getting comfortable about the thought of the person, kinda like ‘Well i’m praying for the person, not thinking about them’, please don’t deceive yourself.
- Spend your time wisely – This is so important please. Do you know that if David went to war that day, he wouldn’t have had cause to see Bathsheba bathing? He was led to that sin in his idleness. Idleness will always lead you to sin, so what are you doing with your time? My friend told me that ‘I can’t get him out of my head Rubie’ and I told her its because she doesn’t have enough work to do, and truthfully that’s it, if you have godly, lucrative things occupying your mind, you won’t sit and day dream about someone and even when the thoughts come, you’re honest enough with yourself to distract yourself by doing something else.
- Settle in the love of God – A recent post on foch_woman page on Instagram explains this clearly. We have to settle in the love of God to be able to recognise, understand and accept true love. Have you finished settling in Gods love? Because it is a faulty chronology to settle in human love before God’s love.
At the end of our conversation and prayer with my friend, she asked me ‘Do you think I should tell him?’ I asked her back if we just finished wasting our time… lol. Although that was our banter, but really, I responded with a massive No just because I do not believe in leading someone else into your feelings by your feelings.
If the Holy Spirit has not orchestrated or approved something, don’t move ahead of Him. Her informing him of her feelings would have complicated issues and frankly speaking, given the man in question an advantage over her seeing as she’s the one with those feelings. The bible says that Wisdom is profitable to direct. Please allow wisdom direct you.
God would never give us anything that will destroy us. Our hormones and feelings are not for us to sin with. They are also for His glory. We need to move in step with the Holy Spirit to navigate our way through these things.