“(S)He has to be God-fearing”


Who usually has this title as a response to “What do you seek in a spouse?”

Even if you don’t, you’ve probably heard someone else say it. We all want to be with someone who is sold out to God, who believes, activates and walks by scripture and who honours God above all else! That’s key in the believer’s dream of a spouse.

People ask me the “what do you seek in a spouse” question very often, I think almost more than I am asked “how are you?” (Okay, i’m definitely exaggerating) but honestly, the frequency is high, but usually, half way into answering them, i’m cut off and asked how God-fearing didn’t top the list and I always struggle to even tell them that ‘it was never on my list’.

A criteria is like a benchmark a person should meet right? But I realised that ‘being God-fearing’ as a Spirit-led woman makes my desire of a godly spouse a standard and not really a criteria to be met. Do you have any idea how many God-fearing men and women there are in the world? Requesting he/she to be God-fearing is almost like saying he/she must be male or female. Funny right?

I think sometimes people also say ‘He/she must be God-fearing” because they haven’t even weighed other characters, traits and attitudes that could be found in a person. Christian couples don’t only pray and do bible study in marriage, please don’t be misled believing this is all that is done. I always challenge people to step forward, for a believer, God-fearing is almost bare-minimum, what else are you looking out for? A particular gift or fruit of the Holy Spirit perhaps? a trait or character like being able to learn from a person? and not even only in spiritual matters. Other aspects as well.

Your spouse should be God-fearing by default as a believer and by God’s grace, my faith does not allow me believe it is open for debate, so let’s press in, let’s ask God more questions. Questions like ‘what we might be deficient of that requires complementing’, it helps us prayerfully seek these things in a spouse as led by the Spirit of God.

By all means desire a God-fearing spouse, but please don’t stop there! Because even in your personal love-relationship with Jesus, you people don’t only pray and do bible study. Jesus is the complete-package lover, there’s laughter in the relationship, there’s gentle correction, there’s patience is working you through getting the hang of something,  there’s teaching of what you don’t understand, there’s even dealing with pain together.

How do we now take this complete, all-in-one package and just say God-fearing?

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