I’m not too happy with how certain things turned out to be in our generation. I sat reminiscing on a conversation I had a few days ago and I was disappointed in myself, but even more, at the fact that there was every possibility that what I said was accurate.
Of course i’ll back track and give you a perspective to this conclusion I’ve highlighted above.
I have a lot of baby sisters, I don’t call them mentee’s or followers, because they’re actually as dear to me as my family and I’d do for most of them exactly what I will do for my own sisters, so when I talk of my baby sisters, there is a perspective, because biologically, i’m the last girl in my family so no baby sisters.
One of them called me a couple of days ago informing me of an interview she had in a software department of a company for her internship and we got excited and talked mainly around her interests and what to expect and all that. After the interview a few days later, as expected, she messaged me to update me on all that went down and as we’d usually do, she sent update in voice notes.
It had happened that by some miraculous occurrence of things, she had been referred to another even larger software company where they focused mainly on software development and while chatting with the HR there, the CEO walks in and takes keen interest in her, even asking that the interview be relocated to his office for a one-on-one meeting. At this stage in the voice note, i’m really struggling to stay neutral and i’ll tell you why soon. But I gave the whole sound of things a benefit of doubt and carried on listening.
He’s now asking her a few career questions and educational background questions, which totally makes sense seeing as she’s about to take a job with his company. He proceeds to a few personal questions after which he advises that He is really interested in her and her career development and would love to mentor her because as he said “He believes strongly in her person”. This is all at the first point of meeting.
Before you judge me of being cynical and paranoid, it would be nice to share my own experience that played out this exact, same way. My first year of university, I really wanted to do an internship. I had been referred by a busy mentor to another CEO who dealt more in what I was interested in. I went there with the clearest mind, but by the first week, I could tell something was off with how the CEO picked an interest in me. While everyone was at the mercy of facilitators in the company, He insisted on teaching me. In my mind I told myself ‘It was God’s favour’, until I kept getting some very uneasy feelings whenever I was alone with him in the office.
Our conversations had shifted by what I needed to learn to a lot of personal information that I had never solicited for. Took me about 2 weeks to finally accept the fact that there were a lot of ulterior motives that I was hiding behind God’s favour, so I had to ‘wisen’ up. Started intentionally keeping my distance and being careful of being left alone with him.
It was not even till after my internship and I had left that He finally started making outright advances at me and then all the pieces fit together into a nice puzzle.
Before you gasp to, this was actually a married man with kids, so red flags everywhere.
My baby sisters story was sounding exactly like the way mine spanned out and so it made sense that my antennas were already rising and I was rushing into telling her that she had to be very careful, especially cause I know that she is eye candy, so I won’t even be surprised if at first glance, someone is already making advances at her.
I did not discourage her on anything, just shared my experience and told her that she had to be very careful and try to keep their relationship as professional as possible, no matter what advantages he gives her.
A day later, I sat in my bed and i’m thinking “what if this man is just being nice?” “what if he’s really just interested in seeing my baby sister grow?”, “what if this was the real God’s favour that we had prayed about?” but unfortunately, I arrived at the conclusion that it is better safe than sorry. It is quite sad that my first interpretation of a man’s keen kindness on a woman is that he has ulterior motives.
This is not by my design. It is fed by the experiences I have had and also heard and so being human, it made sense that I am advising from that place of experience while also being careful to note that the Holy Spirit must take centre stage in any decisions and not what I have advised.
I also realised how I was not the only one in this boat. Most females would start to feel uneasy once a man starts showing high levels of kindness to them. It is weird but this should never be the case. We should expect to be treated with kindness and fairly always, but the society has altered what should be the norm and made it something to be fearful about.
I’m in a process of undoing that mindset, so that I can always give people the benefit of doubt and not begin to question their motive when they’re doing good by being kind. Any other person like me, male and female alike, let’s do this! Let’s fight back the norm of societal expectations and actually expect the best of people without second guessing it. It’ll do our world a lot more good!
Moments of Truth is a tag I have on all posts that relate to my personal experience, feel free to check out the last Moment of Truth post here.
2 thoughts on “Moments of Truth ; The man is just kind”
I understand the need to give a benefit of doubt to everyone, I do that so it. What happens when it turns out to be exactly what you thought it was and not an act of sincere kindness? If it’s a repeated thing, your guard is automatically up even when you try to let down.
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Love this, perfectly captures my state of mind on the issue. The benefit of doubt I had given with my situation had been breached so it made sense that as soon as I hear something similar, I’m judging with the same measure. I’m also careful to know that I might be paranoid to the point where I miss a blessing which is why I need to stay spiritually discerning of all situations and not judge all by my own occurrence.
Thanks so much for sharing Doose xx
God will help us all.