Getting lost

Everyday I notice something new in me, funny that I can often trace it back to my husband. My mind has been influenced by living with him for almost three months now. I’m getting conditioned to what he likes and doesn’t like and I find that my brain has started to pick it up as my own choices and preferences sometimes.

When this happened yesterday, I found myself asking the Holy Spirit “hope I’m not losing myself” and I could almost hear Him snicker. While my husband and I were courting, I made conscious efforts not to lose myself in our relationship. I didn’t want my life to cease to have or find meaning because I was in a relationship. I was conscious to put Gods agenda for my life as priority over the agenda I had for our relationship. Might seem like such a negligible thing but it often happens unconsciously for most people and when they do realise, it could be too late cause the relationship and your partner have become the very, sometimes only air you breathe. For a relationship, this can be problematic, especially if the partner in question is evolving in the relationship at a slower rate.

In the same beat, the Holy Spirit reminded me of one of our anchor verses for our home, one He gave us while we were courting and that we hold on to even now in marriage; Philippians 2:1-2 “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind”.

He reminded me how it had become our prayer but much more, how it is His desire to see us unite to that degree. I started to feel a lot better, then He tells me how intimacy will always produce alignment, not only among men, but with Him to.

I started for think in my heart of how we are changed and transformed when we say yes to God and invite His spirit in our hearts. How the Holy Spirit begins to alter our desires and preferences and align it to that of Gods. I also began to understand that truly the depth of our relationship with anyone will change us, and so if the depth of our relationship with God is increasing, we will constantly see changes in us that align us more to Abba.

I’m seeing right before my eyes and experiencing first hand how Abba makes us one with Him. By how I’m being made one with my husband.

It’s not loud or inconveniencing, it is subtle and extremely sweet, that I’ll wake up one day and look just like my husband in spirit, thinking and understanding and who knows? Maybe even physically. Same way that at Jesus second coming, we’ll look just like Him.

I want to lose myself more, I need to lose myself more.

Funny that there’ll be the prayers we made while in relationships, that’ll cease to make sense in marriage. I pray that when the end of a prayer comes with the end of a season, we will recognise it and not force a prayer point into a new season.

May we daily get lost in this relationship with Abba.

2 thoughts on “Getting lost

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