My husband and I were listening to an old MI song today and while MI was rapping, he said “loving you girl since I was 22”. I made a random joke, singing same line to Nelson; “loving you boy since I was 19” and Nelson said “gosh, you were really so young”.

We’re in such a sensitive generation now where people could actually tag me as being too young when I met my husband and could easily say he was ‘preying’ on me, but only me would ever know the full and true story, and here it is.

I once admitted on my instagram that I was so certain I’ll be the girl who married in her 30’s. My reason was two-fold; I’ve always been very career-driven and ambitious and I wanted to have the story of building crazy in my twenties to encourage more young people when I turned 30. None of these two things are mutually exclusive to marriage, but with the life plan I had then, it seemed so, I wanted to do them one after the other.

I was also fortunate to be surrounded by pure genuine love, both from home (my parents and siblings) and from a robust community I’d built all through my life (friends, club and church communities). I was on a constant “love-high”, which was so distracting, to even realise romantic love wasn’t present. The thing they say that ‘what you don’t know wouldn’t kill you’, can sometimes be true, because having not experienced romantic love prior to then, I was convinced I had experienced love to it’s apex, so I wasn’t “on a hunt for more love”. One could also argue that it was the season of life I was in, full on academics and personal hobbies and interests, but whichever it is, I honestly didn’t think anything was missing to go looking for it.

Nelson and I had a very private courtship, not a lot of people knew, because I was certain I’ll be berated for being too young and not knowing exactly what I wanted, also especially because he was my first ‘romantic’ friend. 

But I look back at my journey and I’m so glad it spanned out like it did, Meeting Nelson at 19 afforded me many luxuries which I’ll be talking about below;

1. The innocence of my teenage-hood helped me expect fairy-tails without fear or cynical thoughts. Because I was young and “inexperienced”, I didn’t have an expectation of our love, I was just satisfied with what we created and what we grew into as the years went by. I hear people talk and they sound so cynical about love because of their past experiences, I don’t consider myself better, only privileged to have built our love before knowing of the evil that could come from love out there.

2. The pressure-free zone and aura of our relationship. Because of how young I was, I hadn’t become fully aware of a biological clock so we largely moved at our pace and I was far from rushed. I remember telling Nelson I got an admission to do my PhD and he jokingly said “do I have to wait for you to finish that to have you?” And I said “that’ll be best because I wouldn’t want to combine the pressure of academics with starting a family”. My guess is that I only had the luxury to say this because I was young, in my mind, even this could wait, and it did. We got married 4 months before my thesis was submitted, I’d been through the bulk of it already.

3. The opportunity to build together right when I was starting out as an adult is one of my favourite privileges. As young as I was, we discussed our lives together from then on, my aspirations and dreams included Nelson and was not apart from him, and it was same with him, he always had a “we, us” disposition and it was only a matter of time before there was no future from both our eyes without the other. I’ve found that one of the hardest parts for people when they get married is integrating all they’d planned to do before the person with the other persons plans, sometimes relationships and marriages fail because people really struggle with that integration. But young love afforded us the opportunity to start planning together from the jump, and I’ll always be grateful for that. Not to say integration is 100% certain with young love, but at least it starts your race way beyond the start line of integration.

4. The privilege to wait for children. By natures design, people have to be aware of the most convenient times for certain things, and with childbirth, experts advise before 35. Our young love allowed us decide to do this when we felt ready and not by the demand of time or biology. It is definitely not a luxury everyone will afford. Despite our long courtship, we still thought it best to build our marriage before introducing minis and from where we stand, it is a worthwhile decision.

5. The focus on career goals and aspirations. When I speak to some of my single friends, they still have an antenna out for a life partner, combining that with just enjoying the beauty of life and aiming for the best career-wise, could seem like a lot. It’s a privilege to not have to think of the investment, time and potential heartbreak that could come with dating. Don’t get me wrong, I still deeply yearn to love and please Nelson daily, even in marriage, but it’s not with a motive of what will happen if I don’t, it’s from a satisfied and fulfilled place of knowing we have forever to unravel the depths of both our love. The various tenets of life outside love, romance and marriage are just as bulky and busy, so it’s definitely a privilege that you get through the ‘hunt’ phase sooner rather than later.

I couldn’t think of the disadvantage in young love as long as both parties are God-inspired and God-led, because life is hard enough, always such succour to have someone to navigate it with, and that’s what is offered in young love.

I’ll be crazy to think everyone had or will have an opportunity at young love, it’s why I speak of it as a privilege, but I’m also careful to note that God knows best and gives best at the best times and whenever that might be for each of us, we receive it just as joyfully and full of gratitude.

In the end, it will never be how fast, but how well, so while I muse on the privileges of this gift, I’m reminded of the responsibility that lies in same gift.

Let me know in the comments, are you married yet? If yes, how old were you when you married and do you have any regrets?, and if no, did you wish marriage happened sooner or later for you?