I realised that there are mainly two types of friends in this world.
The “it has happened, it has happened, let’s move on” gang, and the “it happened, but you were wrong, you know better for next time” gang.
On first glance, the first gang appears more understanding, accommodating and even more supportive and the second is definitely more in your face and also very direct.
I think we all need a combination of both in our lives. Especially among our friends.
If we’re too full of the first gang, we’ll get used to going with the flow even after we’ve done wrong, and if too saturated with the second gang, we might harbour guilt and shame of whatever it is that has been done.
I personally would say I fall into the second category and a caveat with being in that category is being careful that we’re not making the person feel worse than they already do about something.
2 years ago now, My best friend had a life episode which actually threw me off emotionally and cause were a close knit of friends, it was quite easy for everyone to tell something was wrong. We met up together with her and another mutual friend of ours (who by the way is chief of the first gang).
After getting my best friend comfortable, we got to the crux of the matter and after she opened up, our mutual friend was really quick to dismiss it in the name of “well it’s fine, you’re good and life goes on” and we were almost leaving that line of discussion but I didn’t want Her to go only in the feel-good factor mode, I needed her to understand her part in the ordeal and learn from it so it didn’t happen again in the future.
It’s honestly usually a tougher conversation with people in our gang but I think it’s always worth going down that line.
It’s definitely important that we be sensitive of the timing and manner of approach, but the level of relationship with a person will determine more these things.
At service today, we spoke about the Samaritan woman at the well. The one who had Jesus attention without even soliciting it, I bet in her day, she was object of envy to a lot of people, women in particular. We actually looked at her in the Bad Girls of the bible series, so please click the link and check her out.
I wanted to take our attention to the conversation that ensued between herself and Jesus when He asked her to ‘go and call her husband’. I love how Jesus appeared oblivious to a lot of people in the bible, in the sense that He knew already an answer, but He still asked the person. Same thing happened in Eden when God appeared and asked where Adam was and why He was hiding. He obviously knew that His highest creation had given into sin, but in asking a person to admit something they’ve done, there’s a level of awareness that comes to the person who realises their fault in confessing it out, which we see is what Jesus did often.
Her response to Jesus question about bringing her husband revealed that ‘she had no husband’. Which was accurate, but not the complete truth.
Jesus could have stopped there, He already knew the truth about her past with the husbands saga, but He still pressed on, telling her exactly what she had covered in the one sentence reply she had given. If we read on to verse 19 & 20, we see her attempting to outsmart Jesus by changing the line of conversation, and Jesus indulged her in the change of direction because the message was still going to go across either way.
After the conversation had ended, what happens???
She goes back to town and is screaming to everyone who will hear about how Jesus had revealed her past to her and possibly even disclosing that past, because it didn’t matter anymore, she was now changed by encountering the one who covered the sins of her past, present and future.
I’m drawing our attention to the fact that if Jesus hadn’t made known what she attempted dismissing by responding with one line answer, she would not have seen her fault, or even a need for the Messiah, because it was that part of the conversation that led them to Jesus revealing His identity to her.
Jesus Christ displays the effect of the second gang here, but doesn’t mean He was predominately in this gang.
We have to be well equipped in the people that characterise our support groups. We can’t have a group that has representatives of just the first category or just the second category alone.
Even in friendships, there must be balance. Let’s be intentional about that balance, make a review of your friends and ensure you’re well covered. If we’re friends, congrats, you already have a name down for the second gang! *wink*.
That’s a picture of us 2 in our elements….