I have a mutual on Instagram that I’ve followed for a while.

It’s a cute Christian Asian family who I honestly think are quite atypical for the stereotypes sold us about Asian families. The husband is an amazing dancer and constantly dances with his kids, and the wife is quite an open book, not the typical conservative nature you’d find with most Asian women.

They announced their third pregnancy a couple months ago, however a few weeks later, they came with some sad news from the anatomy scan, which showed that the baby had a chromosomal abnormality which was incompatible with life, and doctors guessed baby won’t be around for the duration of pregnancy, and even if baby did survive, he wouldn’t survive life after birth.

With this absolute heart-wrenching discovery that became their reality, they decided to keep the pregnancy. In most of her posts, she said “she will be home to baby for as long as God allowed”. She was convinced against terminating it and was bold enough to believe for some sort of miracle.

Her pregnancy progressed over the last couple months and each time I saw a post about it, I could literally hear my heart break. It’s one thing to be surprised by ugly news, it’s another to already know the ugly news, and somehow still hope and pray for the best.

A few days ago, there was another post, baby was born and much like science predicted, he was with them for only one hour, before peacefully passing away.

I flipped through the pictures of their first snd final moments with their precious gift, taken away so soon and I was so conflicted internally.

Absolutely inspired by their braveness to complete the pregnancy despite knowing the outcome, bewildered at their faith to hope for a miracle, deeply hurt by the reality of them waking each day in so much uncertainty and also somewhere deep inside me; hopeful that God could change the entire situation in a snap, if He so desired.

The last point came crashing down at the news I read of his passing and I thought to myself “I cannot believe she carried this baby for 9 months, despite knowing the outcome”. And somewhere in my heart I started to search for answers to questions like “God would you expect us believers to live this way?”, “how have they held on to faith in the midst of overwhelming evidence against their hope?”

And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper Romans 14:5; “each one should be fully convinced in his own mind”.

Sometimes in the face of overwhelming grey situations, God is looking that each person does what they’re fully convinced about. 

Almost as if resolution is the only prerequisite in some situations. God wants to see your resolution, based off of His words, instructions and counsel.

And that’s brought a deep shining light to my heart this week; sometimes rather than quiver in fear and uncertainty, choose a side and stand there well!

God actually wants to see us take a stand. And having done all to stand, stand (Ephesians 6:13).

Sometimes the stand we take will deliver us to the expected end we hoped and other times, like in this case, it won’t, but the unchanging truth of Gods goodness and commitment to us remains.

So while I mourn this strangers baby and pray deeply for Gods comfort over their entire family, I’m reminded that our faith is not for guaranteed outcomes alone, it’s for guaranteed dependence and hope in God, regardless of the outcome.