What do you want in Life?

I wrote a post in the past, which can be found here, where I spoke about how a Lady I once worked with wanted to build the rest of her career in that company we both worked for and how I knew from the first day I started, how temporary that role would be, it was just for that season of my life, by it’s nature and also looking inwardly.

I remember I expressed my shock the first time I heard her say to a senior manager that ‘You have me forever’ and she was not even joking, I could see as time went on that she found fulfilment working there and the conclusion was that the purest happiness will come from doing and being where you are destined to do and be. Which is why comparison and competition will forever be the greatest killer of true fulfilment.

Today again, I am reminded of how we all want different things in this life, of how aberrational it is for us to compare our desires with that of our neighbour knowing fully well that we are not even the same people, neither are we going to the same place however similar our lives might look.

I was speaking to my aunt a while back and she’s been a stay-at-home mother/entrepreneur for as long as I can remember, she loves that life and i’m a witness to how much she’s flourished in this seemingly ‘small’ office as society might see it, so one day we were having one of those heart-to-heart and she said from when she was younger, all she really wanted was a stable and happy home, for her, it was less about her career and just all about her family. And she has exactly that! A happy and stable home.

I’ve equally spoken to women who were more career driven and want a successful career, even before a family home and I think if that works for them, there is little or no problem, I dream of a world where young people will be able to discuss their dreams, however different they will all be and laugh and support each other through them and not feel insecure of intimidated about the life someone else envisages for themselves.

Similarly, I sat with someone yesterday as well and we were talking about a family we both knew and I was like ‘they literally go everywhere together’ and my friend was like, ‘yes, that is what it should be’, and I brought her attention to the fact that it could only work this way because of the nature of a lot of factors including that the woman doesn’t exactly work independently of her husband, rather she supports him in his own business, and I just wanted her to also see how it would play out differently for another woman in another setting.

I began talking about how I don’t really see my husband and I like that, but this didn’t mean we won’t be close and know each other’s business and we got in a mini back-and-forth on ‘how it should be’, but same conclusion was derived, down to what a person wants, and no one having a right to tell anyone what they want, but the disadvantage with that is you end up dancing to the music you play for yourself so godly wisdom and discernment must be applied.

The best version of yourself is the version God had and still has in mind before He even created you. It is not the version your parents or the media have sold to you. It isn’t even the version you yourself has crafted out, so please commune, fellowship and enjoy the presence of the One who’s created you, He knows best where each of us will flourish our best.

Also quit all these discussions that’ll lead you to arguing out valid differences rather than embracing and encouraging each other in the areas we’ll flourish best. These days I’ve become so sensitive to recognising conversations that argue differences rather than supporting each other.


Heal and shift

I have been on one of Karen’s Kingsbury’s special, ‘When joy came to say‘.

I don’t take a long time with reading novels as I do with inspirational and spiritual books, but this novel has taken quite some time, having me stop, think, reflect and relate with some of the characters of the book and frankly, it has been heart wrenching. Anyone who reads Karen on a regular knows how her writing touches always the deepest parts of you, without her even trying too hard.

A woman had a past of which she managed to completely clean before she got married, she didn’t bother so share this horrid past with new hubby because it was now what it was, the past and it didn’t matter any more. They were both leaders in church and parents to the most adorable twin baby boys and then several years into this beautiful family, flashbacks start coming to her. She can’t make much sense of the flashbacks but one thing she’s certain of is the affiliation this has to the past she closed several years ago.

So what does she do? she gets scared because the hallucinations start getting overbearing, shes now caught doing things that could jeopardise her career as a top class columnist as a result of the hallucinations.

Her husband notices these changes so he starts to probe like the caring and supportive husband he is, but she shuts him out completely, convinced that he does not deserve a woman like her because of her past and does not deserve also the shame he could face should whatever it is be brought to light.

So one day, as her husband is away at work, she packs up her bags, leaves a note saying where she’s going and she checks herself into a psychiatric home, convinced that her hallucinations had become hazardous to her and the people around her. She gave clear instructions that she wanted no call or visit from any family member, particularly her husband and just asked to be alone, attending her rehabilitation classes till she got better.

On the flip side, hubby gets home to a quiet house, cause his wife successfully managed to give their kids to social services under the disguise that she is mentally unstable and so, they took the children without much questioning. He finds her wardrobe cleaned out and the note she’s left him and his heart can’t take it so he sits there on that spot, cries out his heart and stays playing with thoughts of how his marriage went from 100 – 0 with no warning and no reasons why.

I’m still on the book so I don’t know yet the ending but this plot isn’t too far from the realities I’ve been hearing about and dealing with. On the side of ‘do I need to tell my partner everything about my past?’ and ‘what if I deal with pain silently?’. This blog post is more on the dealing with pain, than the revealing your past to your partner.

People around us always suffer when we decide to be selfish. I imagine the tragedy to come in this book because of the protagonists decision to withhold her past from the people who love her, including her husband. I imagine the plot twist of what he will be forced to do and think because his wife has left him to go a mental home with no explanation as to why and even refuses to see him.

No matter how private you are, you need to know that your behaviour and response to pain has domino effects on those closest to you however little, I think young people need to start learning more how best to deal with pain rather than just closing a chapter on it without dealing with it adequately.

Subsequently we’ll talk about the letting your partner in on every detail of your past that has a potential to resurface at any point in your life, however insignificant you think it is.

We’ve grown learning that pain goes with time, and that’s true to an extent, but not when we haven’t fully healed, if not, at the slightest pop up of something related, we’ll be overwhelmed by the flood of thoughts from what we once thought was dead and gone.


Heal first, then shift.


Different Excitements?

I couldn’t have chosen a better generation to be born into to be honest, I love how I look back and see all the flaws of our Parents generation, how we’ve managed to find solutions to them and become more vocal as well on issues, and I also look into the generation of our children and frankly, i’m gripped with fear seeing how we’re unintentionally nurturing spaces to support levels of unruliness and arrogance all in the name of being vocal and speaking your mind. So in my head, it is kinda like 2 extremes and then us, here in the middle, balancing it all out! (Gather in here for a group selfie if you really feel the same way about our generation!).

However, that we are the middle-men balancing it all out has not left us without the flaws and downsides to this generation, so we’ll do ourselves some good to address these flaws when they pop up and adjust them in order to stop it from being worse with future generations.

This post is inspired by a conversation I had recently with a friend, he was convinced I did not want to talk to him anymore and that I had changed towards him because we hadn’t spoken in a while, but I was not trying to be defensive to start saying how ‘life is busy’, or how ‘everyone is just occupied with work’ or anything else of that sort, so I just apologised and carried on normally, but I realised how this is slowly becoming a trend with most people, getting mad or uncomfortable that you don’t talk with someone the way you use to talk to them before and just making conclusions that friendship wouldn’t work cause of that.

We might all be able to testify of an excitement that comes when we start talking to someone who gets us, like just conversing with someone who you seem to have a lot of similar interests with, this is normal and it is natural. As time goes on, it is also normal and natural that the excitement changes, not that it dwindles, it is just not the temporary excitement of the new possibility of the friendship at the beginning but excitement of just having the person as a friend, and if you ask married people, I think they explain it best. How the dating phase is not the same as marriage, not that it is worse or better, but the excitement that comes in the suspense and the potential that they just see at the dating phase isn’t the same in marriage cause there isn’t that suspense anymore, it becomes excitement in another way.

Our generation wants to keep the initial excitement at inception of something till the end of the thing, they don’t want to imagine that anything could or should change that excitement and so when the initial excitement is overshadowed by the new source of excitement, rather than embracing it, we pick it up as a red flag and look at it as a problem rather than a blessing that it could be. It happens with ideas too, people are so excited when new ideas come but as execution gets into full swing, because the first excitement isn’t there, they begin to question the ideas and motivations.

I told my friend that the same principle is also seen in our natural world. The oceans don’t always flow the same way, the flow sometimes is dependent on external factors, but never the content of the water. No flow is better than the other because the content remains the same really, just newness of flow every now and then.

When there are changes in our relationships, both Eros and friendships, I think we need to be more understanding and sensitive to the changes and not just interpret it as something bad, not in any way neglecting the fact that there really might be other issues surrounding someones withdrawal, but so long as there hasn’t been any change in the content of your thoughts towards someone, don’t use the flow of the relationship to judge it in it’s entirety. Recognise the phases and trust the flow.


The Realist, the optimist and the spiritual person

A big disadvantage of our society, which is even worsened and amplified in our generation is the idea that one fits in a certain box in different areas of life, it only explains why someone says something and you hear stuff like ‘you’re being too optimistic’ or ‘why can’t you be realistic?’ or sometimes ‘there’s nothing spiritual about this’. All these sayings say more about the people they come from then the people they are directed to.

You’ll see someone as not being realistic because you can’t see the possibility side like they do, you’ll see someone being too optimistic because you’re focused more on the possible problems that could arise rather than the actual good that could come of it, similarly, when someone explains something from the spiritual perspective, someone telling them not to spiritualize it is them acknowledging their inability in that moment to see it from that angle.

So we all resort to accepting what we know and making any opinion different from ours ‘not realistic’, ‘too optimistic’ or ‘over-spiritualizing the matter’.

The most rounded individuals are those able to see it from all rounds without still comprising your stance. Don’t be bullied into anything by either of the statements above, as you might have seen, the best teams are those who had a representative of each extreme.

Now, notice that I’ve said the ‘most rounded individuals’ up there, now, for the Spirit-led person, which is a rounded person with the Spirit of God, I needed to correct the ideology that a spiritual person is one who never sees things as they are in reality and so I find a lot of Christians confused on if they’re realists or just always optimistic ‘hiding under the cover of God has got us covered’.

Our faith as christian never bring us to deny reality, rather, not to settle in it, it definitely also doesn’t teach us to lie about it, what it does is show us what Our God has said or done about a particularly situation and encourages us to hold on to that hope that He could do the exact same thing should He decide to. As such, you will find that most Christians might be guilty of always being optimistic, and hey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so we don’t have to constantly defend our belief that something will always turn out for the best.

On the flip side, some people  are just naturally more taken by facts and logic, yet they still share the same faith as we do, this doesn’t make them less spiritual or lacking faith, it just shows once again that variety of people I spoke of at the beginning of this blog post. The Spirit of God is one, He finds expression in us differently but His gifts in us are consistent, so despite His different manifestation in us, we can identify Him through the gifts and fruits portrayed.

Realist, pessimist, or optimist doesn’t really matter much to God, He’s most concerned with how you’re growing in Him and His plans for you even if sometimes this might include having to change your outlook on things. Let’s be people that are Spirit-led, this just means looking at things always from God’s perspective, it it always appears good, fam! Take it like that.


Your Best Version


I sat in church this evening and realised how predictable this life was intended to be, especially in relation to us and the idea of ‘the best way to cruise through life’. (ps. that would make such an amazing book title), but funny how if I saw such a book in a store, knowing myself, i’ll think it too cheesy and walk away, but my type are not the majority so maybe it could actually stand a chance!.

I sat and realised how in the best every version of Rubie, I will look like Jesus. In the best ever idea of success, it’ll be how I’ve used my impact and influence to contribute to the kingdom and then I realised how this world is what corrupts us into believing that there’s more to it, that it is a lot more complicated than we think it is when it is really not.

So basically, at any point in your life when you look in a mirror and see an image of Jesus, that’s all, game over, the work is compete!. So really, since we know what our best version looks like already in the revealed word (The bible), why do we go about fantasising about some rock and roll Rubie in one random place in the Caribbeans sipping on a peach-flavoured Chapman?

None of these imaginations will be wrong in their context but it’ll be wrong to imagine them as the best version of me because I already have a picture of what the best version of me should look like.

If we also see results from patterns and principles in the bible, aren’t those like what they call ‘tips’ or ‘cheats’ in games that help make steps easier for you?

The patterns and principles we see in the bible are exactly those, (although i’d rather we called them tips than cheats, lol). They’re there to show and tell you all the options available as well as the paths leading to the result of each option. What else are we looking for again? (Not to make it sound like ABC), but do you realise how much more simply this could make our lives? realising that we know already what we should look like in the best versions of ourselves and we’ve been handed case studies of different paths to different destinations, on top, given the free will to choose the path to take.

This is why Bible reading is not a debate for any person wanting to grow spiritually, let’s pick up this book, together with the Holy spirit at work in us and walk into what we already know is our best version. All the cute vacation imaginations in our heads our valid, but they’re not the best version of you, however close it comes.

Sincerity in Pain

I sat over coffee a few days ago with an old friend, I didn’t go with any expectation to the meeting which is very unlike me so when the conversation started to drive itself, I let it, just inwardly hoping my companion wouldn’t feel an awkwardness.

We got into our growth and relationship with God and from then, I lost track of time, till I had to run off to a lecture I know better than to miss!

This post is birthed from my highlight of the entire conversation, so please, go get a cup of coffee/tea/water as well, and let’s re-have the conversation.

My best times of prayer and worship have been when I’ve sat and cried without any ability to make words of what I was feeling, sometimes, this feeling could be one of admiration and worship, and other times, it could be pure pain and hurt.

Unpopular opinion: Pain is a necessity for growth, in the absence of pain, one doesn’t possess sufficient feelings of inconvenience to see that it is time to grow. When you were younger, I imagine you had favourite shoes which you loved and as you grew, you must have realised that one day suddenly, you had discomfort wearing them, why?

Because your feet had outgrown the capacity of the shoe and it was the universe’s way of telling you ‘Hey, you’ve grown, get new shoes to accommodate the growth’. Without the pain from the inconvenience, you’ll be unable to even notice and acknowledge your growth.

So yes, pain, is a necessary evil, C.S Lewis actually calls it a megaphone of God, how God sometimes uses it to grab our attention. And let’s not even lie, it actually works.

When the pain comes though, what’s our reaction? where’s our hiding place? who’s our run-to person?

Most people end up back at God’s feet only after they’ve mentally resolved the pain or found a way to deal with it, or they even appear before God first truly but being very passive about it like God can’t relate completely with it.

Today, let’s destroy every thought that exalts itself to say that God cannot relate with or understand our pain. God is not our parent who sometimes worry when they find that were in pain, He’s also not the mean person who tells you “Stop exaggerating the pain”. He is capable of feeling it to the level you feel it and relating with you on that same level.

We have to learn to be sincere with God about our pain, we need to know that God will not see it as blasphemous if we came to Him with questions about our pain, we need to understand that His being God does not hinder Him from relating with us even at the level of pain.

This brings a whole new level of liberty! It allows you to enter that presence, come rain or sunshine, with the tears of joy, as well as the tears of pain. Knowing He’s a Father that can handle every emotion we are capable of feeling so please, please, let’s not short change ourselves downplaying or out-rightly eliminating our expression of pain in our relationship with God.

I’m excited, I was recently listening to how every name we know God with was revealed to us by someone who experienced God in that dimension, so today, together, we’ll give God another name that we can leave for our children to come to and keep praying with. He is ‘God, the bearer of my pain‘. Later we can come up with a Greek or Hebrew word for it too lol!


Moments of Truth – Arranged Marriages?


An interesting part of being a blogger is that you don’t know all the people who read your blog and so it makes meeting new people interesting, like when they start conversations with a title to a blog post or simply a line from your blog post. It’s really heart warming until it is one of those write ups you made hoping no one would ever speak about in real life. For me, it’s even more interesting cause my mum also follows and engages with posts and some days, she brings them up when we have conversations which sometimes can be very hilarious.

This is one of such blog posts, that hopefully remain in the eyes of readers and never as a topic of conversation should we ever meet! (Nah, i’m kidding).

I can be a very oblivious person although people find this hard to believe, my meticulous-ness doesn’t have part 2, it only extends to a certain level and stops there, I think it is also dependent on the topic at hand because I realise the attention I pay to some books I read is not equal to come conversations I have, and it makes sense right? that some things will spark your interest and others wouldn’t.

A friend of my Dad started to visit our home very often, himself and my dad had gone through university together and they were quite close to it made sense how when my dad was ill, he would visit that often, that’s how far my mind thought of it. He was one of Daddy’s besties!

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, each time he came around I would be the first person to see him when he came through the door and he’ll follow with some kinds of questions that should really only be asked by people you’ve built a certain level of relationship with, but he was daddy’s Bestie so I assumed he paid my life the same attention as he did my dads.

One day he came and asked to have a picture with me and of course I obliged, I was returning to school the next two weeks and it was normal for my family to keep pictures of every and anybody we knew so I assumed it was same with him.

Another day he was asking me who ‘Mr Rubie’ was and one time, it was my dad speaking to me about marrying between families who already know themselves.

Speaking very generally about this, like I was 4 or something lol! When this started, all the pieces of the puzzle fit together and I marvelled at how blind and silly I had been.

We like to think that arranged marriages are a thing of the past and long gone and dead but I think young ladies and gentlemen around the world are still faced with it only on an upgraded and less obvious manner, our Parents love us and want the best for us, that much is obvious, but sometimes, in a bid to make sure we’re making the best decisions they end up out-rightly making the decisions for us which in the long run might be detrimental to us.

While we honour and respect them, lets remember they’re also humans with feelings and as such, God’s will must reign supreme in any decisions we get to make.

#NoToModernArrangedMarriages hehe!

Check out the last #MomentsOfTruth blogpost.

God and Good, Good and God

Several months ago I had a conversation with someone over a statement I made in a post, I said ‘Good isn’t always God but God is always Good’, and My friend couldn’t understand how I could separate the two and He kept referencing the verse that said ‘Every good gift comes from God’. I completely got His point but it seemed we were looking at it from different perspectives.

Most times, people only believe that God is not in something when it goes horribly wrong. When things are moving smoothly, we tend to believe that it is so only because God is all and for it and we forget sometimes that the only evidence of God’s approval is Himself, not even the degree of awesomeness something or someone is.

The Spirit of God is the only one who can judge something as God’s will and not just how we feel about it. I shared something with my friend of a time in my life where something came and it was a testimony in the mouth of my family and I but this was not God’s will as amazing and as beneficial as it seemed, and the closer it got to the thing, the more weary we began to sense God’s rejection of it before we finally came to the place of surrender where it was apparent that however testimonial it seemed, God was not in it.

Things could be going perfectly fine sometimes, but don’t conclude that the smoothness is God’s approval. C S Lewis explains pain to be a megaphone that God uses sometimes to get our attention, and it makes so much sense because until there is discomfort, some people don’t feel a need to turn to God.

We need to make it a point of necessity to always enquire God’s will about any and everything no matter what package it comes in and how beneficial it might seem to us.

After God had spoken to Samuel and told him that He had rejected Saul as king, did anyone notice how Saul carried on living his normal life? He didn’t just drop dead, or start to experience bad occurrences, no, Life moved on as normal, and it was only Gods way of preparing David for the throne because David had to learn the culture of that earthly kingdom by simply just being the harp player for Saul when demons began to torment him! Haha! God has the wittiest sense of humour I tell you.

The only evidence you need to know that God is in something is His Spirit bearing witness with your own spirit, anything other than that could be good but not be God.

Everything might seem perfect in your life at the moment, but still, lets enquire of God and hear His opinion on the perfectness of the times you’re in.

In a follow up post, we’ll talk about how the Good/God fearing Men/Women we meet might not be Gods own Good and perfect will for us sometimes.

What a Good God we serve!

Good God

Selfish sometimes makes Selfless.

The Month is running by very quickly so i’m hoping you’re squashing those goals and even documenting it as you do so! I’m not entirely 100 with mine, but we’re getting there and trusting God for all the grace and strength!

The last few weeks have been a breeze, by that I mean fast, cold and one-thing-to-the-next situations. It hasn’t allowed me pause and enjoy the moments and it’s made me do round the clock schedules. It has been scary to say the least.

In all of it, God has been merciful enough to catch my attention in His own very unique ways to say ‘Hey, slow down’ or ‘Hey, busy is not productive’ and when I think about it, it makes me wanna just sit and cry really. So I felt deeply inspired to encourage every reader here to know how critical it is to never pour from an empty cup, to never assume that your soul is bottomless and ever running, but rather, to understand that it constantly needs refilling and refuelling.

On one day last week, someone text me with a paragraph of something she had been struggling with and I remember after giving it some thought, I pressed the voice note button to reply and nothing came out, I stuttered a bit and just cancelled it. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to say, but I was actually tired and my spirit needed me to pay attention to me first.

As ministers, (which we all are once we come into this Salvation), sometimes God does require you to be comfort to people even while in your own storm. Your Pastor who stands preaching on Sunday does not do that because everything is perfect in His own life, He does it because He has a divine responsibility and calling on His life which is in operation no matter how His own life might be going, He also sees that the occurrence in His own life doesn’t ever reduce the person of Christ and I’ve seen that it’s all part of the training and disciplining process.

But while this is very valid, God never allows us to get where we’re giving out and never replenishing ourselves all in the name of ministry so I want you to be intentional about your own life, your own growth and your own salvation.

It you and God first before you and anyone. Someone needs to take a break and get alone with God.

What does the Faux in Faux Locs mean?

I was home for Christmas last year and few days before getting back, I was confronted with the ever frequent decision of what hair I was going to make for the next few weeks, and so as always, I created a mental picture of what I wanted and landed in the salon.

As I sat staring at my image in the mirror I decided I didn’t want to do what I had planned to do cause I realised it would take so much more time than I had expected because I was working with a schedule, so when I was approached and asked what I wanted to do, I responded showing a picture and saying I just wanted something that would last a while cause I’m not a fan of changing hair too often just cause of my soft scalp.

So she goes “Hmmn, how about I do you faux locs? It could last you up to 4 months”. I had heard of faux locs before but my reservation with it was the weight of it as well as the loosening part, so I politely declined, but it seemed she was heavily bent on doing this hair for me so she kept pushing, saying that its not hard to loosen and all, owner of the salon even came and joined her, persuading me that they’ll teach me how to loosen it. I knew myself, my capabilities and in that moment, what I wanted too, so I really just kept turning them down, until she gave up and got a comb to start making what I really wanted!


Have I just told you a random salon story for no reason? Oh no guys! I want to show you something.

I was reading David and Goliath’s story again, for the umpteenth time, i’m not sure what drew me there but I was back there and digesting the story all over again and my eyes stopped at verse 38-39 of 1 samuel 17.

Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armour on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.

“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off.

This was the time Saul had reluctantly and desperately agreed to allow David go face Goliath. So here was Saul, arming David best as he thought in the royal armour as well as a sword. So David wears them, excited or not, that he was in a warriors uniform for the first time, and dressed by the king himself for a battle they didn’t even believe he could win, but while rounding up tying the last bow, he realises how constricting it is, he realises how strange it felt on his body and he deeps that ‘As exciting as this is, if I go face this guy dressed like this, i’m setting myself up for disaster’. So what does he do?

He tells The king honestly that He can’t go to fight dressed like that because he is not used to it. And The King, realising that this kid was basically doing them all a favour, gave in and agreed that he took it off, i’m sure already mentally preparing the gifts he’ll present to David’s family when the giant had trashed him.

Have you been in situations where you felt that you could not speak your mind because of what was at stake or the parties involved in whatever it was?

Have you heard the saying to ‘say yes and learn how to do it later?’

Have you given into the suggestions of people for fear of what they’ll do or say if you didn’t go with them?

I think it happens to the best of us. Exaggerating our abilities just to fit into a certain box and when we’re asked, some of us even go as far as defining it as ‘having faith’.

I looked at verse 48 and realised why David had to decline that armour.

As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.

I tried to picture mentally what would have happened at this point had David given into Saul’s opinion to wear the armour. How would He have ran?? In my mental picture, I saw David struggling terribly to take a single step, I saw him thinking whether or not to use the sword or the shield first and I saw him tripping all over and landing on the ground, long before the giant even got close.

That’s most of us when we say yes to things we’ve not been prepared for, when we agree to something just to impress others, when we try moving ahead of God to get to the places we feel we deserve to be, even when God has not given His consent.

It’s okay to admit not being properly equipped for something, it’s okay to reject advice and suggestions when they go against what God has told you and it’s very okay sometimes to stick with what you know works than try to woo whoever by going for the unfamiliar.

Like David, be bold enough to speak to whatever authority and choose what you’re familiar with, over whats gonna make you look good temporarily, so you don’t end up like the David in my mental picture.

I was also excited after my hair was done, seeing as I stuck with what I wanted over heavy-hard-to-loosen faux locs! lol

For those of you who don’t know what Faux locs is, here’s a picture

Ps. The faux means artificial, something made in imitation. You’re welcome!

faux locs