I was sharing with people recently that one of the biggest things God saved me from in my life before Christ is the ‘I don’t care mentality’, I am even convinced that I am still being saved from it daily. I grew up African so one would wonder where I picked the Western culture of minding just by business and leaving everyone to mind theirs. To a large extent, it works great sometimes, but like all things, one must be careful that you don’t end up on either sides of the extremes. Too nosy or not caring at all. These 2 extremes must be avoided.
Some years ago, I met a friend’s partner at an event, he was at that event with another lady and all over her, it was weird because I had met him the previous week with my friend and they were professing love to each other, so something was not adding up. As per usual, I mentally decided that it was none of my business and I should just face my front and keep it moving.
I never told her about that event, they lasted for another 6 months or so and then they cut it off for some reasons that I still haven’t fully conceived in my head but was related to him double dating. Some days it still hunts me how I could have saved her 6 months of her life and the entire heartbreak.
2 days ago, someone text me and asked what I thought about her telling her friend that her partner was cheating on her with someone else and I told her I’ll come back to her with an answer, just cause I did not feel I was mentally ready to answer her, also bearing in mind that I am not convinced I dealt with the similar situation in my case the godly way.
So I took some time to think about it, asking the Holy Spirit what He would have me do now if I found a friends partner cheating, will I tell the friend what I saw?
Now, it is such a dicey situation because you don’t want to be webbed In gossip, but you also don’t want to be the untrustworthy friend who isn’t looking out for her friend.
He brought answers to me explaining that my understanding of friendship has definitely evolved and been refined over the years that I have known God and so must also be reflected in how I dealt with a similar situations now. So I’ve put together 5 points that you must note if you ever found yourself in such a situation.
- Double check what you saw or read. Make sure you’re not making stuff up or misunderstanding situations or scenarios, get the facts right. This is not a call to go and be the CIA or FBI, rather, just be sure of what you saw and didn’t see.
2. Grow your friendships to a level of complete vulnerability. The place God has brought me to now with my friends, I honestly believe I can tell them any and everything, if it concerns me or them and so if I found their partner in a strange place or strange position, it is something I will be open to discuss with them honestly.
3. Speak supportively and not accusingly. With communication, the tone and choice of words are usually more important than what exactly is being said, so make sure you’re going with a pure mind and stance and not going in an ‘I just knew it’ way, even if you really just knew it, lol
4. If you are brave enough, I believe it is okay to politely confront the partner in question like ‘oh I saw you with so and so, what was that about?’, they say to always give people the benefit of doubt, so in confronting them, you might be able to perceive and discern their heart from the way they speak and what they say.
5. Pray for both of them. Don’t move ahead of God’s spirit in you, the key is always to be led by Him in all we do and say.
One would be shocked that this happens in christian circles even if it really shouldn’t, but being human, we will sometimes fall, so we must remember to be gracious with people while pointing them back to the cross when they have fallen, rather than mockery, castigation or abuse.
The love and the grace of God is sufficient for all things.
I want to hear your thoughts please, what would you do as a christian if you found your friends partner cheating?