Feel what I feel

I woke up this morning very sober, it happens very rarely, but today, I could tell something was different.  I got up and sat down at the side of my bed and I started praying. As I prayed, I began to cry, this is not new to me, as I cry often when I pray, but today was different, completely different. The Holy Spirit was grieving through me and I began to cry in a way that a child does only when they have been fatally hit. I could not stop the tears and I also could not control it.  All I could feel was God’s presence and the Holy Spirit was allowing me feel what He felt.

I went into prayer with so many requests,  for the state of the world, as well as the heaviness I was feeling, but all I could express was ‘thank you‘.  All I kept saying was ‘God, You have done enough, You have done enough‘,  it was like the Holy Spirit was opening my spirit to see the love of God to mankind even in this time and my heart could not take how in response to this love, we have just done more evil to each other, and have not even stopped there, but have turned right back and accused Him for the state of the world.

Any believer might relate strongly to this, the Spirit of God is grieving. The world has not been a good reflection of the love and intentions of God towards us, we have taken matters into our hands on several issues and have done as we pleased, and when evil emerged, we have turned back to ask God “are You even here? can You see all that is happening?“, just like his disciples did while He slept in the stern when the wave and wind threatened to sink their boat. We’ve made it seem like He is a God whose hands are short and His ears dull.

The state of the world now is not a reflection of the God that we serve and it is also not a punishment for our sins, Jesus already came and became sin for us.

But the Holy Spirit is just as grieved as the saints are. I cannot fully express or explain what I felt this morning in prayer but I hope this gives you a glimpse of the heart of God even in these times.

As I started to regain control and leave that atmosphere of deep feelings and tears,  I told God that June was my month of thanksgiving,  the last few months have been months of questioning and petitions to Him on His power and love, and I was wrong because I only saw and perceived in part, but from what I experienced this morning, thanksgiving is the only acceptable response, and I want as many people a possible to join in, everyday, recounting the faithfulness of God and expressing gratitude.

In my prayer this morning, things as ‘mundane’ as the sun still coming out to shine, oxygen still being readily available, being able to still wake up and pray to God, suddenly felt like massive miracles and testimonies because indeed, “it is of the LORD’s great love for us that we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. – Lamentations. 3:22

God is mighty to save. This post is not to make you see God as powerless or incapable, because in spite, He is in control and His will, will prevail. However, His creation has caused Him deep pain and anguish to the point where He is groaning and grieving through saints and I hope we don’t take this for granted, but be the children who will make pleasing our Father, our sole goal.

If you are one of those thinking that God could be doing more, I am here to tell you today that God has done, and is still doing more than enough and I pray that the eyes of your heart be enlightened.

The church is marching onward and forward and God continues to take all the glory. Be careful of seeing God through the lens of the current state of the world. We must pray to see the world through the lens of God because it is not enough to see, it matters more what lens and perspective we see from.


4 thoughts on “Feel what I feel

  1. Oluwatobi Ogunfusika says:

    May we see the world through the lens of Christ. A lot has really happened so far most especially in Nigeria. I choose to pray and be thankful instead of complaining, question God and become bitter.

    May God give us a new lens to see the world and be grateful for even the mundane.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Odunowo Olufunmilayo says:

    Thank you Rubie for this article, with all that’s going on , I choose to pick my words and I’ll say: God is God and there’s nothing that’s hard for him.
    It was He who told in Zechariah 2 that anyone who touches Jerusalem will know they’ve touched the apple of His eyes. What and How we all choose to see God will determine our reaction. May we be thankful even when it looks all dull and cloudy.

    Liked by 2 people

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