I recently was invited to speak to a group of young women on Eros relationships and I had such an amazing time, I wanted to time stamp the notes I made for the event and also give more people access to this information hence why I have decided to make it a blogpost.
Eros relationships are part our life, every now and again, we will hear of people getting engaged and married, if we are not even the ones in the shoes. It is one of the most fascinating things about this life to me, that two complete strangers meet themselves and decide they will like to spend forever together. Cute oh.
Unfortunately, bad news always has better public relation than good news, so I have found that we hear and read more often of the relationships and marriages that did not last, and we hear very rarely of the ones that have lasted and are flourishing.
The 6 points below were the bedrock of my talk and I hope this helps someone currently navigating this phase of life.
- What you do apart heavily impacts what yo do together – I am a firm believer in people knowing God and themselves before being united with someone else, in relationship or marriage. I think it makes the journey less tedious and more lucrative to the union. (I don’t mean to make it sound like business, but you get the point). What are you doing when you are not with your partner?, what were you doing before you even met this partner? the time spent apart has great influence on the time spent together. If you are both feasting on Gods word and maintaining frequent conversation with God’s spirit, when you are together, you will also share and communicate with each other from that overflow of your alone time with God.
- Curate your own journey – There is no template for the day to day running of any relationship or marriage. There is an overall template for what it should look like in the grand scheme of things; which is God and His church, but in the little things that you decide to do, it is important that you know that you both have the final say, and not what social media says. Quit the comparison and just settle in your bubble with your person and decide what rocks your boat in accordance to God’s will.
- Stay accountable – Anywhere you find secrecy, sin is bound to thrive there. The bible says that it is evil that hides in darkness. There is no reason to hide what you know is good. By all means, decide on the level of access you give people into your relationship/marriage, but ensure you and your partner remain accountable to other people. It goes a long way in keeping things in check.
- Grow at your own pace – On curating your journey, you must also note that the pace is for you to decide. Friends will meet and marry their partners while you are still in your own courtship. You might even be the one meeting and marrying your partner while other people have been in courtship longer, this is okay. You and your partner determine the pace of your relationship and determine when you move out of a season and into the next. Only be careful that you are always moving as led by God’s spirit.
- Don’t make excuses for the obvious red flags you can see – While we all agree that neither of us are perfect and are daily being transformed to Jesus’ image, we must not excuse the inexcusable under this guise of being works in progress. A man/woman without any level of transparency or accountability is an obvious red flag, a man/woman constantly leading you to compromise on your stance on purity is a red flag, a man/woman who constantly leaves you doubting and fearful is a red flag. If you fit either of the descriptions, you my dear, might be a red flag. Courtship should bring you to maximum exposure of a person and their ideologies on a lot of important and unimportant matters. Do not ignore them, address them if you can, and if you cannot, please walk away.
- Forget about your past – In Christ, we have become new creation. Maybe your past in Eros relationships have not been the best, this is okay, Abba is offering you a fresh slate which takes no consideration of the old man. Forgive yourself and move on. Be careful also, not to judge the new people God brings your way through the lens of the old people who broke your heart. let your heart and mind be renewed by the word of God.
We have discussed intimacy previously on the blog, so feel free to read up on it should you be curious as to how you can maintain intimacy with your partner without appearing on the lust spectrum.
God reigns supreme in whatever part of our life we give Him access to. Lets not be Christians who involve God in everything but our relationships and marriages. He makes all the difference.
Feel free to add whatever pointers that you believe will be useful to Christian singles and couples in the comment section.